Self-criticism is hard. For if people were aware of their weaknesses/flaws, they would have rectified them. Our eyes are clouded with ego when it comes to seeing our own self. We love ourselves too much to be able to find something wrong with us. And if we were capable of realizing our faults, they would no longer exist since we'll correct them ASAP!!
There is a character trait though in myself that I can notice very clearly. I won't call it my weakness, I would call it a dominant character trait. If I am sure of something that I categorize as my values/principles, I am very stubborn. As to whether it is my strength or weakness, that depends on the situation. Being right helps me sleep a peaceful sleep, I know that I have nothing to feel ashamed of if I died just now. However, being right is a weight I have to carry around, it can cause conflict when others around me refuse to accommodate my being-right.
This quality has done me a lot of good in life. I never suffered from the condition called "Peer pressure". Even if I am in a situation where I feel very cornered or bullied, I don't give in. If I am in a minority position, I shut up and wait it out, but I don't cooperate. I am always certain of wanting to pursue my principles/values. I am obsessed about my karma. This trait has helped me live life with a clear heart, I suffer no confusion about myself or my decisions. It helps me clearly delineate my psychological territory, my responsibility, my duties, my rights. I do not believe in crying over the past, I do not believe in letting myself regret my stand, I do not believe in shifting blame onto others. I want to be clear about my mistakes so that I can live with them instead of making somebody else guilty about my suffering.I stand by myself. This is a positive stubborn trait. It is a very silent trait though, I live it out quietly. Only the people who really pushed me to the extreme would have seen how stubborn I can be in the pursuit of being right.
I won't say I am inflexible though. I am quick to accommodate, I try to evolve towards better karma, I am ready to change when I realize it is the right thing to do.
Of course, it is very difficult to live with this trait, you lose some friends in life. Over the years, I have toned down my stubborn attitude. I realized I might be all alone in life if I pursue this trait. So now, if I see a neighbour do something wrong with their own life, I watch on passively, I just concentrate on doing the right thing in my own life.
I am still learning though, on how to balance family life with this stubborn trait. Would I be able to throw my child out if they did something wrong? I guess God sets some tests just to see how far we go with 'being right', He rewards us, He penalizes us, this is the game called "Life". Probably when I die, I can meet Him and ask Him how I fared. Meanwhile, like the Bible says:
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.Isa 40:31
I didn't quote these lines in some religious mood, it is pure human psychology, belief in self increases our confidence & drive to continue.
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