On Learning

If you read Sumukh's first birthday post, you will notice I said that: 

Summu taught me, that the most amazing feeling I get, is not from watching him do what I taught him, but from doing that which he learnt on his own. 

This feeling of mine was just reinforced today. 

Ever since Sumukh has been born, and even while I was pregnant with him, I have talked A LOT to him. I mean, really, a LOT... I am a chatterbox, so talking has been easy for me. 

Sumukh spends most of his time with me, and since we do zero screen-time, he spends all his waking hours with me or by me. I realized when he was an infant, that it might be a bit of entertainment & fun to just keep explaining everything that I do, to him. Even as I was pregnant, I used to talk to him, telling him what I am feeding my stomach so that he will get so & so nutrients from that food. After his birth, talking to him only felt the most natural thing to do, because it was an entertainment for both of us, to keep chatting & gossiping about everything. 

When Bhavani visited us, she asked me if I talk all day to Summu, she noted that I keep on blabbering to Summu. O yes, when I was a child, my dad named me 'Bak bak Raani' (Queen Chatterbox) for this reason. 

Now at 14 months, Sumukh has a varied vocabulary of all things & processes that he noticed in his environment- objects he finds on the road, in the park. Objects & processes he notices at home- cooking, cleaning, washing up. 

He also understands opposites- fast & slow, hot & cold, sad & happy, dirty & clean, small & big. 

I haven't bothered to teach him ABC or 123, I tried but he didn't show any interest. As we read books, he shows me what he finds interesting. From the colours book, he learnt objects. From the counting book, he learnt the names of fruits. From the shapes book, he learnt objects. From his hungry caterpillar book, he picked up the concept of biting, swalllowing, stomachache, a bit of counting (points his finger as though he's counting). He chooses what he wants to learn, and I go along with that. But I must say, the bulk of his learning, has been through watching real life objects & watching me run errands, do the housework. Then when he next sees those objects & activities in books, there is an instant recognition & pleasure at sighting something he knows. 

The other day, I was wondering, not as a regret, but a general pondering thought... That Sumukh doesn't know any of the stereotypcial things that a 14 month knows by now- he doesn't know any of the famous nursery rhymes/songs (his favourite song is Adigo Alladigo Sri Hari Vasamu, an Annamacharya keertan, a couple of Hindi movie songs like Bol Re Papihara, Jab Deep Jale Aana, Suno Sajana Papihene, a couple of songs that I made up for him, that Summu & I sing to each other), he doesn't know ABCD, 1234 etc. So I was just asking myself, will he feel handicapped if he goes to school, as all other kids there will know the typical ABC, 1234 stuff? 

Well, I told myself, he will catch up soon. Meanwhile, my toddler has an EXTENSIVE vocabulary of his environment, he asks me for solid food (chooses whether it should be daal, banana, strawberry, yogurt, honey, butter), asks me for water & drinks it in a glass, asks me for breastmilk, asks me for juice (he loves the homemade carrot-apple-celery-romaine juice that I make every morning). He understands instructions (please follow me, please tidy up the room) and chooses to sometimes not obey, as per his mood.

He knows a washing-machine, vacuum cleaner, bucket, bathroom, he knows a variety of fruits & vegetables, that they need to be first washed, then wiped & cut, then cooked until hot, so that they can then be mixed & eaten in a plate. With a spoon. Add butter. He knows many random animals, their sounds, birds. He knows that the fridge has cold things, while the stove heats food.

The most important point I noticed, he knows  the majority of his words in two languages- Telugu & English. So my toddler is bilingual. 

It depends on what you want from learning. We are learning something every moment in life. 

When it comes to structured conscious attempts at learning/teaching, I want my son to have a variety of things to explore & expose himself to. He has an entire lifetime to choose what he wants. And those typical ABC kind of things, he will learn in school. 

But by talking a lot to him, just the way we talk to adults, involving him in everything I do, I am prodding his intelligence & reasoning. 

There I got what I wanted to convey, I want my son to learn how to reason, how to decide. Reasoning, decision making- these are the things I want to teach him at home. These are the things I hope he learns from our activities together. ABC, 1234, he will learn in a classroom anyways. 

I know many parenting blogs mention that it is important to talk to our kids. When I say I talk to Summu, I don't make an intentional effort to talk on some particular topic with him. I talk to him by involving him in every routine activity. If we are going to the supermarket, I let him know that we are going out to the supermarket, so we need to make a list of what we need to buy. I show him the rack of onions & show him that there is only one left in the bag (this is the way he learns counting, by counting the objects around him in contexts where counting is necessary), so we need to buy more. When we go to the supermarket, as I place the bag of onions into the cart, I show him & remind him that we needed these onions since there was only one at home, and that we will wash it, cut it up, cook it until it is hot, eat it up in daal with spoon after adding butter. It is like weaving a story of the entire life-cycle of an onion. Reading books has it's place & importance, but when I tell such detailed stories to Summu, it is an audio-book tweaking his imagination. Sometimes I ask him, do we need onions Summu, how many should we buy?

The other day, after Summu finished eating strawberries that he requested for, he formed his hand in a gesture of 'finished' and said, 'ayipoyindi papa' to his dad, Telugu for 'it is finished, dad'. We were thrilled, we didn't try to intentionally teach him that, he learnt it just from our long conversations. 

So, I guess we have been so busy juicing Apples, playing with Ball in the park, watching Cats mew, saying hi to pet Dogs in the park, biting our Infantino rubber Elephant teether, that we didn't bother to learn A for Apple, B for Ball, C for Cat, D for Dog, E for Elephant. But I trust his school will teach him that anyway, that is what we send our children to school for!

I remember visiting my Hindi teacher in BBPS, Dipika Gupta mam, in 2003. She slowly recollected me & this is what she had to say-

I remember you had an elder sister too. I remember your mother wasn't particularly bothered about grades, she didn't care whether you sat on the first bench or last, she didn't care if you attended school regularly, she didn't want to know details on your academics. All she said was, my children should be of good character, bacche acche hone chahiye, please let me know if they have any attitude problems. In my long teaching career, I have observed that marks don't mean everything in life, many mediocre/average students do much better in life later when they discover their own aptitudes and high marks don't necessarily translate to life-achievers.

I have realised that I am copying a lot of my mother's attitude, how she brought us up as kids. 

She let us play with anyone- street dogs, labourer's kids, neighbours kids. The only thing, of course, she told us to take care about germs. 

She let us play with anything- wheat flour poured on the kitchen floor, red lipstick on the dressing table mirror, yogurt-rice smeared on the centerpiece, water-play in the garden with the hose, soap-water in the backyard with torn clothes... The only thing, of course, she didn't let us do dangerous things with chemicals. 

Everything we did, she took pictures & made beautiful memories, she never judged us. She never told us not to play with the kid that came last in class. She encouraged me to spend more time with a friend whose mother was a divorcee. My parents were very strict about being polite, not wasting food. 

In attempting to bring up Summu in this style, I am just copying my mother and trying to be like her. 14 month old Summu tries to copy me, 29 year old me still tries to copy my 60 year old mother. 

Why did I start writing this post in the first place? I had bought some ABC, 123 flashcards for Summu the other day, they are meant for kindergarten kids. I opened the set this morning and Summu started perusing through with me. I was pleasantly surprised to notice, that Sumukh knew all the objects in those flashcards anyways! He knew 90% of it, without us ever having spent time intentionally attempting any age appropriate syllabus of learning/teaching popularly prescribed. 
Here, I am not criticizing parents & kids who DO learn ABCs & 123 enthusiastically, I am only trying to say that there is much more to learn in life and ABCs, 123s are not the only measures to fret over and are actually pointless when taught without context. 
Also, there is no point in blindly competing (that children should have achieved such & such list of things by a certain age- your child might exhibit some other wonderful learning while being slower on some other aspect- they are not assembly machines, but individual souls. 
Again, structured intentional learning is very important at one stage in life, when children are much older (around 5 yrs), because we can never learn a skill truly unless we spend time honing it. One class my mother forced us to attend all our childhood, was music class. We hated it sometimes, we just wanted to play in the park, we prayed for it to rain so that we wouldn't be able to go on the cycle rickshaw to the class. Years later, in our teens, we loved the music lessons and it would have been too late to start learning in teenage, it is something you need to be gently coaxed/forced into when young, but certainly not as a very small child. :)
What Summu exhibited, is a trait every child has- they are tiny sponges that absorb everything & anything around them. So this outcome that I noticed is not because of my intelligence or because I am a great mother. The only thing I did, is to watch where his interests lie (& they evolve everyday depending on his mood & milestones) and gently encourage him, help him where he struggled too much. And let him move on if he doesn't show interest in something I wanted him to try out.
At 6 months, when he wanted to stand with the help of every sharp-edged piece of furniture, instead of preventing him, I placed a huge diaper carton in the middle of the living room. He enjoyed standing by it, walking around it. At 9 months, he found it thrilling to grab his glass of water & turn it over, pouring the contents onto the floor. He refused to sit in the high-chair & wanted to be on the floor while eating, he wanted to set his own timetable. I let him have a silver unbreakable glass, he poured & I mopped. Gradually, in two weeks time, he started drinking the water independently, he told me that the floor was wet, dirty and needed to be mopped. He has learnt these things on his own, with his own reasoning & observation & life is easier for me now (a child that eats what he wants, when he wants), we are not stuck to spoon-feeding on a high-chair. By 10 months, he quit the baby-bottle, didn't need a sippy-cup or a straw-cup. His current craze at 14 months is books, he demands for more & more books, enjoys going through the pictures, recognizing them. We weave our own stories (sometimes in Telugu) based on the pictures. My point is not to read THAT particular book's ACTUAL content. We endeavor to understand the world a bit more with the AID of the book, sometimes how we use the book, is not what it actually is about! :P
What I realized, is that if a child insists on doing things his way, it is wiser to LET him do it & try to construct a safe environment for him to do it. Explaining to him that it is dirty/bad/wrong/bad manners to rebel is unnecessary (we tell them not to pour water, do things only in a certain way, because it is convenient for us) & stifles their imagination & hampers their journey of learning. We are attempting to influence the child, deciding what it should do, what it must not do.
What I am trying to convey, but not able to express myself with as much clarity, is better explained by this article that an acquaintance recently shared (Thanks Subha pinni, By the way, I didn't know this type of approach actually has a name, RIE/Montessori methodologies. I just followed my instincts & let Summu follow his) :

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/06/how-to-help-your-baby-become-a-math-genius-or-not/

Although this article talks of a mom who wanted to teach her child math, I feel it applies to all situations of learning. 
I feel learning & Teaching, are two different sides of the same coin, that never end. When we teach, we learn. Be careful of what we are teaching, we never know what we & our child are learning from it :)
Most importantly, I am not trying to say that EVERYTHING works out & falls into place due to my approach. I am not saying that life is more peaceful this way. Summu has still not figured out his sleep cycle at 14 months, I go through many tired days. I gave up fretting over it. I realized, that when he is capable of regulating & deciding so many other things, there must be a good reason he is not interested in setting a sleep cycle. I did my bit (tried my best to look into his diet/our lifestyle, tips, tricks) and left it at that. It is sometimes inconvenient for me & has turned my life upside-down. But I keep reevaluating what our priorities are, as I am not installing a machine, I am raising a soul (& raising myself). 

Something about my dear friend Kanu, Nikhil's mommie!!

I was planning to write this little something out in time for Kanika's birthday, June 4th. Of course, thanks to Sumukh, everything that I plan runs into 'belated', it was already June 4th by the time I got this post ready for Kanu to read. And then I never got around to publishing it because so much has been happening in life with Sumukh. So here is a belated post about a dear friend:

Kanika Lamba Aggarwal, one of my very good friends & confidante.
What makes us such good friends? The simple fact, that she is everything that I am not. She has all the qualities that I lack, that I admire, that I would love to be but I am not because of my laziness or lack of expertise, lack of attitude, whatever you may call it :)
I always tell Kanika that she & I are like Bree Van De Kamp & Susan Mayer from Desperate Housewives.
Everything Kanika does, has a perfection to it. If Kanika calls you home for tea, you will be served high tea in the best teaware, delicious homemade healthy snacks, everything arranged so perfect in the most tasteful aesthetic manner. She is my dream homemaker, the perfect cook, always experimenting with baking, crochet, knitting, crafting, party ideas, decoration, organization... I walk into her house and find cute handmade knicknacks perched on her side tables, a cute crochet hanging adorning the wall, very thoughtful photos printed out & placed all over her house walls that scream out the love of life, she's just finished knitting a scarf with a pattern that is the latest craze... If you have any doubts on shopping, need reviews on any home appliance, dial Kanika- either she has first hand experience, or knows someone who has the relevant information for you, or she will at least definitely suggest on how best to go about finding a good lead. She is a queen, getting hold of the best quality at the lowest price possible, making her little nest so welcoming and warm for the loves of her life, her big boy (her Mitu) and her little boy (Mitu & Kanu's little heart Nikhil).
Now let me describe myself- the exact opposite of everything I narrated above about Kanika. I am the south Indian girl that is content with my stainless steel 'bartan', I am too confused to set things right, although I admire Kanika's skills, I never took the interest to learn such skills (probably because I know I will never succeed the way she does! :) If Kanika is the Bree Van De Kamp of my life, I am the Susan Mayer in her life.
The bestEST thing Kanika recommended to me, was to watch the documentary Food Matters, it has been life changing, it was the perfect time as I was pregnant and really valued the constant encouragement from her, we have continued it to date, confessing our bad diet moments to each other & sharing our proud clean eating moments. The moment I knew I was pregnant, I walked into Kanika's OB/Gyn's clinic, one of the best OBGs in Jersey City. Most of the critical decisions I needed to make during pregnancy (choosing a doctor, choosing a hospital) were already thoroughly researched by Kanika, I just copied her & enjoyed myself!
You know that popular line on how to recognize good friends, that real good friends are the ones who stick with you through your bad times... Well, in my experience, that is just a tiny bit of the story...
Real good friends are the ones whose attitude towards you doesn't change even if they achieve the best of highs, they stay as warm & welcoming with you. Also, most importantly, they stay just as warm & welcoming, as happy for you, even when they go through the lows of their life.
Kanika & Mitesh are truly made for each other in this respect, because both of them have this amazing quality- being able to smile genuinely for our happiness even when they had struggles in their life. And welcoming us into their joy & sharing it with us even when they achieved the greatest highs. Mitesh has helped each one of our friends with buying a car. In fact, we joke that he deserves sales commission from the car dealer he took all of us to :) And Kanika has cooked the first meals & invited us over, for many of our friends when we moved into St.Pauls.
Kanu, you are special to me for not forgetting me even during your highs, even during your lows. For not looking down on me when you were high, and for looking at me with a genuine smile even when you had your own issues to cope with. The best gift life can offer, is the gift of a friendship. Someone as talented & perfect as you, accepting my muddled self as your friend, shows how down-to-earth & caring you are.
A good friend is not one who has the same thoughts or the same habits & hobbies as you, a good friend is one who lends you a listening ear & gives you the appropriate advice, a fresh perspective, to help you not let your emotions go astray. I have found that support in Kanika, I can speak my heart out even on topics which are absolutely of no interest to her. She is a die-hard homemaker but I know how much I cribbed about my job hunt, CPA exam, office pressure etc with her. Although she never wanted that kind of life, she understood how much it meant to me, and baked me a cupcake when I landed a job :)
Today Kanika & I are mommies to two little boys, we are so engrossed and ever busy with our tempests, there is little time to comfortably keep in touch. We keep exchanging random messages offering each other support during our low-mommy moments and wows during our yay-mommy moments. It is a pleasure for me to read & listen to her stories of her journey with Nikhil, because it reminds me of where I was just a few months ago, it is a reminder to me of how fleeting childhood is as I relive my joys through her experiences.
Krishna & I moved to London, so Sumukh couldn't have the pleasure of sharing play dates with Nikhil.
Do I feel sad about being far away from Kanika? Yes definitely sometimes.
But the distance between hearts is not affected by the distance of geography. Sometimes people grow apart even though they live two blocks away. The only regret I have in relationships, is where hearts grow apart.
Whereas with little Nikhil's mother, moving away from her made me realize even more, how much Kanu & her Mitu meant to us. Mr. & Mrs.Aggarwal were the first friends I made in New Jersey, in Apt.no.6138, when they were just-married, like Krishna & I were. Looking back, I feel like we have 'grown up' together, from being a just-married fun loving couple, to tired exhausted parents, we have done it all :)
The other day Krishna remarked, a wholesome life is not just one with a good career & a stable family, you need good friends and that is something God gifted us with in Jersey City :)
A belated happy birthday to our lovely lady Kanika Lamba Aggarwal!! Mwwwah from Sumukh!
Life goes on, the years will roll on, but the fondness we have in our heart and the best wishes for Papa, Mumma & Baby Aggarwal will always be there!

I didn't want to talk about anything other than Kanika, since this post is supposed to be about her. But here I MUST add, one of the best fairytale moments of my life, was the surprise babyshower that Kanika & Shivangi threw for me. On the eve of my baby shower, these two wonderful ladies walked into my apartment & decorated it, I slept that night with the enthusiasm of a five year old that looks forward to her birthday party! The next day, they had so many surprises lined up for me during the party, I slept that night feeling like a princess living a fairytale! O my God, that was the best party of my life! I lived in a happy trance for several days, feeling like a Disney princess, a very Disney hangover ;) 

Energy from Food versus the Energy in Children

Nutritional analysis of the amount of food we eat no longer makes sense to me. How can Summu stay so active for hours on end with the little mummumm he eats? Unless he's solar powered... 

Milkieland Bubu time

When Sumukh pilli drinks milkie/bubu, Krishna says Sumukh looks the cutest, with the most serene expression, contemplative, thinking his own thoughts.... Sometimes, one hand or a leg see-saws slowly..
When I look into his eyes, I see the world, it reminds me of the episode from Bhagavatam, where Yashoda saw the cosmos in little Krishna's mouth....
When Summu drinks milkie, two of us are in our own world. Everything that I see, I see in two dimensions- I see the real physical world in front of my eyes and I also see all this reflected in Summu's eyes... It's like sitting at the edge of a lake, watching the beautiful scenery reflected on the still polished surface of the lake. I feel like I am meditating...
I see his shiny black eyes.. In those eyes, I see my face, my chest, I see the top I have worn, his little chubby hand clutching at me, his plump fist against my collarbone... Behind me, the roof... If we are in the park, I see green trees, the rolling lawn, the blue sky, birds flying overhead... I see all this in my little pilli's eyes... I see two sets of all this in his two eyes... Sometimes that chubby fist opens and a curious finger rises, finding its way to my lips, trying to pry my lips apart & explore within, I can see that activity in the mirrors of his eyes... Other times, his tiny palm strokes my cheek...
When Summu needs to urgently express his love, he plants some milkie kisses- as he drinks milkie, he pushes his face into me & goes back, saying mmm, mmmm.. Those are milky kisses...
Sometimes, he's a hummingpilli, sort of like a hummingbird. :D LOL... My hummingpilli drinks milkie while humming me a tune- it goes mMmMmM, a song of love sung during milkie time... When I want him to hum it to me, I simply hum it and that reminds him, so he starts, we copy each other's tunes, we keep making up new tunes.. Sometimes this feels so funny to Summu, he bursts out in peals of laughter while trying to continue drinking milkies! I can see his chitti little tongue slipping out of the edges of his mouth that widens in a smile, his throat gurgling with laughter.
What I see with my eyes while gazing into my little pilli's eyes, I wish there was a way to record... Krishna says I need something like those Google goggles... I say, would some such technology be able to record what I feel in my heart, what I feel in my lap, the warmth of the bright morning sun, the cheer of the green trees?
That angle & height at which my head is placed when Summu pilli drinks milkie in my lap, it's a divine perfect setting where the baby looks the cutest, the best camera shots can be taken from this angle... I tell Krishna to please click, but those shots he takes look different, I need a miniature camera that should be operable with the blink of an eye, that I should be able to place just where my eyes are and click pics.. Alright, I know how crazy I sound :D
As Summu pilli's grown older, he's realized there are other exciting things he can do while drinking milkie rather than just stay calm contemplative. Milkie time is the perfect time to pinch mommy, or thump his tiny palm into my chest! It is also fun to twist around in mommy's lap, throw out a leg or arm & try to prod the nearest object with a leg (that object usually is papa), while drinking milkies, talk about multitasking!
The best bit of Summu pilli's childhood that I will forever ponder on fondly when he's older, is the milkie time...

The Miyyanv Monster

Miyyanv is the spelling I use to convey Meow, the mew of a cat. Mom named Sumukh Miyyanv (with this spelling) when he was just a little fellow in my tummy. The name sticks, so does the spelling.

Pilli loves running into the corridor that looks pretty dark when the lights are out. Krishna says, just mew out meow, he feels scared and comes back running.
So both of us are in the hall & I mew meow... Sumukh is meanwhile standing in the corridor and peeping at his father. He goes further into the corridor as it turns and now can't see me while I mew.
He hears me meow and comes running to us. He doesn't look scared, he has a smile on his face! He likes the game!!
Next, Summu runs back into the corridor and we hear a meow emanate from there! O Lord our pilli has turned into a brave lion and loves the game!

On Sumukh's first birthday

April 5th 2014 is Sumukh's first birthday as per the traditional Telugu lunar calendar. 
April 15th 2014 is Sumukh's Gregorian calendar birthday. 

I feel sentimental about his Telugu birthday, since it is based on the lunar cycle and our life cycles are governed more by the moon, rather than the solar calendar which is not really exact. Every milestone Sumukh met or every growth spurt he had, every change in behaviour, was usually scheduled naturally around his lunar birthday. 

My little pilli is an year old today, I have learnt lots in this past year and it is only the tip of the iceberg yet. 
Summu taught me, that the most amazing feeling I get, is not from watching him do what I taught him, but from doing that which he learnt on his own. 
I also know, that there is no such thing as a child-proof room. The definition & scope of 'child-proof' needs continuous upgrade, any tiny ordinary object can turn into the most dangerous situation at hand. As a mommy, many times I experienced the cold shuddering feeling of 'what if?', many a time I recollected Leo Tolstoy's work 'What Men Live By' and felt grateful to God. Summu has taught me gratitude for what I have, what I am able to enjoy, 
Every developmental milestone of his makes me proud, but I also feel a pang in my heart about what will no longer be, what we've left behind. But it will come around another day when I watch his children grow. 
The most amazing feeling in watching him grow, is being reminded of the fact that life sprang out of me, growing by the hour, depending totally on me for nutrition, warmth, comfort. Yet nothing is in my control. I feel very large & very tiny at the same time. I remember that moment when I gave him his first solids- banana & tender coconut water- that proud feeling of 'he's a big boy', but also jealousy that he will now derive nutrition from something other than me, the first ingestion of something foreign, something non-mommy. 
In raising Summu, we are living several childhoods, not just his. I am reliving my childhood, papa recollects his mother often, mom recollects our kiddy days, her childhood, her nainamma, her ammamma... 
Bringing up kids is no joke, it is a tough job. Everyone said that to me always, so I took that advice too seriously to heart and kept trying very hard to go on. Looking back, I realize, I tried too hard. One big lesson reinforced, is that mom knows most about her child & maternal instincts are of highest importance. Children are not machines, so no doctor can know what works best and their knowledge is limited beyond a point. 
When I complained of Summu's colic & his sleeplessness, many told me that's how their kids are too, this is what being mom is about. But it took me 8 months to gather proof that all kids are not that way. Regarding that aspect of the journey, I really thank God for giving me a very supportive wise mother, a helping father, a trusting husband, a knowledgeable relative, Internet, lots of timely coincidences that  helped fix things. As always, my gut feeling that something wasn't right all along, was right. The hero in this journey is Summu, for never having given up, for managing to smile through the tears. 
This first year of Summu's life, thanks for the immense support from my parents, they looked after me like a baby while I concentrated on looking after Summu. 
When people comment on how fast he is at his milestones, all I can say is, Summu has stayed away from all electronic media/gadgets/complicated hitech toys/television, this was possible because he has continuously had his grandparents around right from the moment he was born and I have enjoyed some timeless age-old advice from mom on not over-stimulating kids, trying to cater to their curiosity without saying no for everything. Nothing can replace fresh air, sunshine, a beautiful garden to stroll around in, watch the bees, birds, flowers, trees. Feel the wind whistle through your ears, feel the warm sun shine on your face..  How could I ever have explained such experiences to Summu if I was in my 16th floor apartment in Jersey? Although we felt bad about the times Summu is away from his papa, we also know that he has learnt a lot from just being close to nature. And he's helped me reconnect with nature. I regularly watch the sky, something I didn't do in years! Here, I am not judging moms who gave an iPad or switched on the television for their kid, it is very trying to entertain a child and Summu is blessed to have had lots of people, a huge house, a garden around him. I had that kind of childhood, where the city flourished alongside the farmers, fields, parrots, vultures, donkeys, cows, buffaloes... That is my one regret for Summu, he will not see what I saw, the times are different.  
Everytime I see him succeed, I feel proud! When the pediatrician admired his weight, I was o so proud since he was exclusively breast-fed. But I remind myself, that I will love & support him as much even when we lag behind or fail. A child must not be compared with another child, or even with himself. If Summu appears very sharp today, he might be slow at meeting some other milestone later. Like Summu has very little hair even now at 1 year ;-D hahaha! A child that appears slow today, might spring forward in leaps & bounds when his time is right. That is how development is, that is how our neurological wiring & learning works- things usually normalize over time, badges of 'fast' & 'slow' are temporary & misleading. 
A topic that touches my heart: Summu made me aware of the abuse that babies undergo in silent ways, I couldn't find a better word than 'abuse'!
Babies are little handicapped people who need our attention until they are mobile enough to take care of their basic needs. Everytime Summu cried or whimpered, 99% of the time, there was an issue to sort out- hunger, thirst, pee, poo, burp, feeling too hot or cold... 1% of the time, he wanted attention & love. In the rare instances that I delayed picking him up, he had pooped, peed or badly needed to burp and I felt really bad for having delayed by those few seconds while he screamed. 
Old aging people are able to voice their feelings when their children ignore them, babies can't do that. Imagine being bedridden, you really want to sit up so that you can burp, won't you want immediate attention? Someone told me that I shouldn't pamper him so much, perhaps he's doing 'aaghaayityam'. A pediatrician told me to cut down on his feeds & make sure he doesn't drink milky more than 3 times a day at 6 months. O god, I am raising a human being, not trying to train a dog!! What if baby is thirsty? What if he is really hungry? What if something is pricking him? He's not in some concentration camp where he's allowed milky only thrice a day & NO at night! My mom puts it as: he can understand everything, he just can't talk our language, that must be so frustrating, so treat his feelings with respect. I have no regret for having just let Summu decide his pace of things, I realized later why he needed milky 100 times repeatedly and I am glad he only got unconditional support from us.
Babies have their own language & ways of conveying things, we have to understand & follow their cues, encourage them to make their own decisions (when to eat & drink). So it is not about training them, but about training our own senses to perceive their issues. An infant left in a pampers disposable diaper, will grow up thinking that is the only way to do things, he will forget his primal instincts of alerting us for pee/poo, then we complain on how they talk & understand everything when they are over 2 years old but refuse to use the potty! That said, let me accept, I haven't succeeded fully at practicing elimination communication with Summu and I don't mean to judge mommies whose busy schedule made things difficult. 
Some children are rebuked for not meeting the parent's expectations of their milestones: please don't decide how much baby should eat, how much they should weigh, how tall they should be and torture yourself & child over this. Childhood passes away in this futile pursuit. 
Another issue that I really don't like, but don't know what to do about: the way some adults forcibly pick up kids, snatching them out of the mother's arms, even if the infant refuses & cries! Or adults who feed anything to a child without checking with the mom- I find it wrong on so many levels, I choose not to give artificially coloured/flavoured or processed food to Summu, I really don't like some aunties uncles giving him Fanta to drink!! I can't imagine how the situation would unfold if that said child had food allergies? I guess I never behaved that way with a child (forcing them to come into my arms, or feeding them random things without checking with their mom) because I don't want someone behaving that way with me (do we appreciate some stranger just hugging us out of nowhere or speaking very loudly to us, without exchanging introductory hellos?).
After Summu's birth, suddenly, I feel much more emotional about life. I feel really bad hurting any insect, interrupting any creature's activity, even plucking a leaf/flower makes me want to seek permission from the tree & thank it. I always did feel for the environment & ecological balance, but I feel even more now! No wonder in our ancient culture, sages spoke of respecting the elements, respecting the flow of a river, the rustle of trees, the countless scampering living things. I feel like they have a mommy too that loves them, they have a Summu too that waits at home for them. I feel & think so much, I feel vulnerable, an absolute filmy mommie! ;-) I dream of him going to school, college, his first job, he'll rise in love one day, he'll get married, is his little wife already born somewhere or not yet? I am swept away like Narada Muni in the maaya of imagination! 
Summu has also made me very strong. When I go out on some very important work, I feel fearless, tension-free about the outcome of that task. My only worry is for the little fellow I left behind at home! This has also made me a happier person. I am so hard pressed for time (Summu never sleeps & has been a clingy little fellow)! I am always guilty of not having reached out to the people that care, I struggle to remember to at least respond to their emails or write in a hello once in a while. Sometimes it takes me weeks to actually send that message out, to turn the intention into action! So, I don't have the bandwidth or memory to deal with people who don't care- Summu made it happen. If something doesn't feel right & hurts, I have the courage to speak up but usually I don't, because I don't care. Suddenly, people who vanished from the radar make reappearances, thanks to Summu! No wonder they say, being a mom alters everything: how you see the world and how the world sees you. 
When I was really tense about our transatlantic move, Krishna reacted, 'Why are you still worried about things in life, even after you have birthed a baby?'. True, birthing a baby is the greatest milestone a couple faces, the beginning of a totally new journey called 'Parenting'. When I was 12 years old learning French from M.Cyprien, a devout Catholic, he told me, 'Ma cherie Vineeta, you might do this & that in life, but most importantly, you will be a mother.' True Monsieur, being mom is the most challenging, overwhelming & rewarding thing I ever attempted. 
Summu has made me acutely aware of the erosion of indigenous knowledge & culture that nuclear families have brought about. Bringing up children is very difficult when you are stuck in a high rise apartment with a very busy husband. I am of the opinion that a single child is a lonely child. Now after Summu, I realized that perhaps even two children are two lonely children who have only each other & no third sibling to interact with! In earlier days, people had so many kids, siblings had closer bonds, (not necessarily though)! When you have many kids in a large family being brought up in a collective manner (older kids entertain the younger ones), it really takes the pressure off the mom & makes the younger one grasp things a lot faster. Having many kids around is good not only for the kids, but for the mom too, every child is a new experience.  My mom's aunt had 14 children who grew into adults, she had tons of information on issues such as calming a baby, potty-training, breast-feeding, introducing solids, simple remedies for routine issues...- I struggled with breastfeeding & missed the lack of family knowledge, I was shocked to notice that in fact, I was better aware than the pediatrician! This is a direct fall out of what I call 'the extinction of indigenous culture & knowledge'.
Mom's aunt with 14 kids, unfortunately lost some kids: one to appendicitis, one to sunstroke. She would have known what it takes to comfort a sad mother. I am at a loss, I don't have the courage, I don't know what to say to a mother who grieves the loss of her child. But mom's aunt would have known many other mothers who faced the loss of children. I think we really lack that kind of supportive society today. If we see a friend or relative struggle, sometimes we don't know what to say. If we are struggling & someone tries to comfort, there is a lonely feeling of 'what would you know? you didn't go through this, I did'.. Mom's aunt had 14 other children to share her grief, countless neighbours/relatives who had 'been there & done that' too. We invest so much (materially & emotionally) in trying to raise one or two perfect kids. In that race, we have forgotten how to handle imperfections. I don't have any answers, but I do feel for this problem. I am a mom, and I can say, we never forget our angel babies. My mother remembers the baby boy she miscarried 35 years ago, to this day. They are in our breath & being every moment until we meet them again. 
Summu has also made me aware that gender inequality cuts both ways. I was always sure of my feelings about parenting, but giving birth to a boy validated them further. I am Summu's mom, he's my boy, so being with him has only cemented my feelings on parenting. A parent that doesn't educate a girl but educates a boy, a parent that treats a girl different from a boy, favours a boy over a girl: that parent doesn't do it because they hate the girl & love the boy. They do it because they are selfish & making materialistic choices. As they deny the girl attention, they shower it on the boy because he's an investment, a machine to fulfill their desires, a cash cow, they must have had expectations from him right from the moment he was born. They will interfere with the boy for the rest of his life while letting go of the girl, since they believe it is their right for having brought him up. All kinds of people lived in all ages, so this 'backwardness' is not to due to people belonging to olden times. This backwardness is just their attitude, they lived in the 10th century, they will live even in the 100th century, it is about having expectations, and these expectations take different forms. 
From the moment Summu was born, Krishna & I haven't found a spare moment to sit & talk to each other in peace. When I see Summu interact with his papa, when I see Krishna so excited with his son, it's the 'mothering' side of Krishna come out, seeing Summu & his papa together, makes my heart swell with love :) It's a new relation I share with Krishna, as my son's father. No one in the world shares my feelings & emotions regarding Summu the way Krishna does. It is touching to see a very sleepy tired Krishna change Summu's diaper in the middle of the night, saying sweet calming words to his bawling baby, even though he has to go to work tomorrow & craves some sleep.
The biggest compliment/gift that I ever got from Krishna in the 14 years that I have known him, is when he said he's so proud of how well I managed my pregnancy & Summu's infancy, that it was totally my effort. I think no amount of gifts or flowers can feel as touching or uplifting to my soul. Thanks to Summu's papa, I was able to do things my way, he trusts me and took interest to read up any literature where he doubted my approach. I can say the same thing about my parents-in-law, they supported every decision I made. 
He's only an year old yet and every individual is born with their own karma. As a mother, I wish him the best and I will strive to make sure that I do everything from my side- to the best of my abilities & knowledge- to help him. I am not the best mom, every mom feels as I do. So many moms message me that they love my Facebook updates on Summu, because my updates remind them of their own children's infancy, or help them prepare for their upcoming kiddy! 
So this post speaks for all us mommies, especially those of us who have just finished one year of being mommy! Being mommy is not a competition but a celebration. None of us is perfect, everyday I wish I could be a bit more patient, a bit more farsighted in meeting Summu's needs. I wonder how I will bring him up, sometimes I get cold feet! This feeling is something that goes on for the rest of our lives. 

On Summu's birthday, these lines below sum up my feelings for Summu's papa, I am sure Summu agrees with me although he can't talk his heart out now:

(From the popular sitcom Desperate Housewives)
Mary Alice: "The world is filled with good fathers. How do we recognize them? They’re the ones who are missed so terribly that everything falls apart in their absence. They’re the ones who love us, long before we’ve even arrived. They’re the ones who come looking for us when we can’t find our way home. Yes, the world is filled with good fathers. And the best are the ones who make the women in their lives feel like good mothers."

To those moms who are single parents, filling the space of 'mommy & papa' for your child, I really admire your courage & respect your bravery, you are a lioness and your little cub is the best gift of life. 

I will end my post with these lines for Summu:

Dear Summu, I decided to birth you because I wanted to play with a tiny fellow. You were not born to fulfill my dreams or make good my shortcomings, you are not here to take care of my issues or help me out of my problems. I just want to see you happy in life. I derive happiness out of your success & together we learn how to get up when we fall. 
Attending to you has made me so happy, you seem to find me perfect, you are a constant source of encouragement since you see no fault in me, yet, you inspire me to improve. You are my mirror into my soul. 
Although I have no expectations of you, your very presence fulfills my expectations. 
I hope you bring smiles in the lives of people you meet & grow up to be a good husband & papa, a good man: that is my one expectation from you.
When you are old enough to read this post, I hope you recollect your childhood with as much love & enthusiasm as I feel when I recollect mine. 
I have learnt so much on health, nutrition, culture in trying to do the best for you, so much introspection, it's a physical & spiritual journey, thanks for the continuous learning, it's helping me lead a better life. 
In bringing you up, I am bringing up myself. Thanks baby pilli! 

Lastly, thanks to you reader for having read my post, I hope this made you remember your first year as a parent, made you reflect on the sweet memories of your infant. 

On the wretched plight of some women

So in olden days women got to rest in a corner at least for four days in a month under the pretext of being unclean/untouchable.
This practice initially evolved to give rest to the woman, but degenerated into untouchability/taboo.
The reasons behind this ancient practice followed in all traditional cultures of the world may have revolved around practising hygeine. Also, when people lived so close to wilderness & nature, I am not sure how safe it would be for a menstruating lady to go around outside, animals could have smelled her out and attacked the whole group. When people relied on natural water bodies (rivers, lakes) for taking baths, a crocodile or other carnivorous fish could have been attracted by the taste of blood. And I can't stress the importance of hygeine/seggregation/separation in traditional cultures, where prevention was the only way to keep away the spread of disease.
Of course, there is also the VERY important aspect of resting your body.
If you look at any families from 50 years ago, men knew how to cook. Because they needed to cook when their women were in seclusion. This way, they would have appreciated how difficult housework is and actually appreciated their wife. Of course there were some famillies where women were really inconvinienced during their time of seclusion, I won't blame the men for this, I will blame the matriarch- any old woman who makes these rules & forces the youngesters to live by them, not for their good, but to make them fell lesser humans.
Gradually, our socioeconomic structures changed, we no longer live close to wildlife, we have modern amenities & equipment which makes housework much easier (no need to fetch water from a river or well, no need to pound or grind your own grain). We have access to better hygeine (sewage systems, piped running water, soap, disinfectants, clean bathrooms). The seclusion of women doesn't make sense, so people start questionining it and wanting to do away with it.
Then some very progressive man or matriarch decided that they won't mind the wife walking around the house & cooking... Some women welcomed this move & in fact demanded it, why should they stay away as untouchables in a corner?
The fallout: Today there are some unfortunate women who work like a continuous slave in the kitchen while their husband enjoys the free food & clean house. Even if the wife is sick, ill, she should get up and make the man his food. After all it is her work.These men come home from work and relax. They are not bothered about what goes on in their own house, they are more interested in the world: telivision, newspaper. They don't realize that although their office work ends, their wife toils all day, all night. She doesn't even get the four days of seclusion which her sisters got 50 years ago.
From what I notice, if you live in that kind of family, you would be ostracised as an untouchable 50 years ago. You will work as a slave today.

On similar lines, recently I saw a blog post gone viral, about how a stay-at-home-mom writes to a working-mom, and a working-mom writes to a stay-at-home-mom, each of them admiring each other's sacrifices in raising kids.
Well, I know some women who slog SOMUCH, they work as well as manage the home, probably such a woman should write both those letters to herself, since she works a full-time job and also does all the housework.
You see, since we have progressed to let women be educated & work, it is expected of them to bring the bacon home.
However, the household chores are still her duty. After all, it is a privilege that she is allowed to work.
I don't understand how women end up gradually in this situation, allowing this to be done to themselves, I don't understand how thoughtless a husband has to be to behave that way with his wife.
No wonder I see the popular meme being shared on FB, something along the lines of how a woman may not be a queen in her husband's eyes, but will always be her daddy's princess. O yes, none of those women can be queens after marriage, they are supposed to be daddy's princesses forever, while daddy neglects his own wife :D
 Here I am not pondering on the women who LOVE working in the kitchen & do it happily wholeheartedly. Nor am I pondering on men who are so so so busy with work & no time to do anything at home. All I am thinking about is, that gender sensitivity seems to be one sided in some respects- women have taken to careers much faster than men have taken to the kitchen.

What is your biggest weakness?

What is it with people who ask this question 'What's your biggest weakness?' 

Humans are not really aware of their weakness. If we knew, we would have worked on improving it. If we don't, we can't answer that question. 

Also, there is nothing like a real weakness, the only REAL thing is attitude. That attitude can be a weakness or a strength depending on how we mould it for the right job. 

I have always observed & believed that our biggest weaknesses can also be our strengths if we harness them. It just boils down to attitude.

A knife can kill in a murderer's hands, a knife can heal in a surgeon's hands. Our attitude decides if we want to be the murderer or surgeon. 

I am an anxious kind of person, my anxiety motivates me to recheck all my work & practice meticulous care at task on hand. Now that is a strength for handling any potential situation. My boss in office was always able to trust me because of my attitude.

However, someone's anxiety may make them mess up & waste precious time in working slowly due to their mind being clouded by fear. Now that is a weakness!

If you rule your attitude, it's a strength. If the attitude rules you, it's your weakness. 

Honestly, this must be a popular interview question because the interviewer needs something to talk about, not because it is a good question worth asking :)