An Ode To Tittu

I know this is not an ode, because it is not a poem, it is not lyrical/rhyming. But from my heart it poured out like a song, like a poem, so it's an ode ;-)
My darling Tittu, who has nobody in her life at this point of time, because she gave up her life to be with us.
In this selfish weird world, I have seen negligent parents who do nothing for their children, parents who raise children just so that they can eat off them later in life. Parents who are ready to abort their foetus, parents who abandon children as orphans.
In this kind of selfish world, my sister & I were pretty lucky/blessed, to have the unconditional love of not just two parents, but three.
Yes, it is not at all filmy and I am not going overboard when I equate Tittu with a parent.
An ordinary young househelp, she walked into my parent's lives when I didn't exist. She came to stay for 3 months, to help look after my 9 month old elder sister. But she stayed on forever, she became didi's nanny. She nursed mom through her pregnancy, she saw me when I was a few hours old, she looked after me when I was a sedated infant, she saw me before I saw her.
We gave her all kinds of names. Didi couldn't pronouce 'Tulasi', so she became 'Taachi' to her.
After I was born, we began calling her "Aanyiien'. I don't know how to spell it in English, I mean like 'आंयीं. I don't know why I called her that, but the name stuck.
Then my neighbour friend used to call his brother Kittu, so I started calling Aayi 'Tittu'. It started as a play, but the name stuck on for life.
Tittu used to go back to her hometown to visit her mother/sisters/brothers during our holidays, they would try out matchmaking, she would reject all prospective grooms. Meanwhile, I would struggle with my life in Delhi, depressed, wanting her to get back as soon as possible, it was pure mental agony, one of the worst experiences of life that I can clearly recollect, it won't be an overstatement to classify it as 'deep grief', or 'trauma'.
At some point in life, Tittu realized that she loved us too much, she felt strong maternal feelings for us, she finally told her family to stop searching for matches, she wanted to just live with us, for us, by us.
For me, family has not been 'four of us', but 'five of us'. Even today, when I recollect events from my childhood, movies that we watched, songs that we sang, houses that we lived in, stray dogs that we played with, ice that we munched on, cotton seeds that we tried to catch, seeds that we planted, flowers that we plucked, chocolates/candy/crisps that we ate, books that we read, in every memory, there is Tittu.
Tittu would have been ready to die for us.
Some people do not have the karma to become famous. Had Tittu been born somewhere in Roman Catholic rural Europe, say in Italy, she could have been beatified/canonized as the Patron Saint of Nannies. I am not joking!
I don't know what relations God binds us into, I don't know why Tittu was born in the untouchable Shudra tribal caste, I don't know why I was born in the highest caste under the Hindu Chatur Varna system. But I do know that Tittu mothered us. I don't know how our worlds collided, what bonds bind us, but she is a part of our life forever. Sometimes I think that perhaps I worry more about her than I worry about my parents.
My parents are educated, they can speak out, they are aware. More importantly, both of them can watch over each other. Whereas Tittu, Tittu is uneducated, I always fear that someone might take unfair advantage of her, I feel guilty for her loneliness, I feel like she did everything for us, but we left her alone. She's always in my dreams, I can't imagine my childhood without Tittu. Whenever my mom recollects our childhood, she always ends up talking about how much support Tittu was.
Because my parents are from a higher caste educated group, they know their birthday, I can at least wish them on their birthdays. I can't even wish Tittu. She doesn't know when she was born, she can only recollect some comparative markers, like she can remember my aunt's wedding, she remembers my great-grandfather's death, etc. So I know she is younger than my parents by around 6 years.
India is a land of rich culture & history. Our peoples were never illiterate/uneducated. They may have been 'illiterate' from the eyes of English language schooling under British occupation, but they were well versed in their own indigeneous systems of education. Hence, my great-great-great-grandfathers knew their birthdays, deathdays according to the Hindu calendar. My great-grandfathers knew their dates by the Hindu/Telugu as well as the Gregorian calendar. But the lower caste people were totally illiterate, they didn't keep any kind of record. Tittu comes from such a society, where her parents didn't even make note of her birth according to the Telugu/Hindu calendar, let alone the Gregorian one that was followed officially in British India. She is the only person I knew in my personal social circle, who didn't know her birthday, she spoke of how they couldn't afford Ghee in their food, they used to pick discarded wheat/rice kernels from farms to feed their empty stomachs. But very proudly, Tittu says, her mother never let them beg, never let them become wayward, Tittu was brought up with family values of dignity, respect, hardwork.
Tittu had a good life with us, she was loved, she learnt about equality, education, health, hygeine, nutrition. Today I can proudly say that Tittu is more aware of the importance of a balanced diet/nutrition/hygeine/low salt/low oil/physical exercise/first aid/gender sensitivity/ etc kind of issues than some of my own semiliterate relatives. In fact, sometimes I am convinced that though she was born a Shudra, she has more Brahman qualities in her than some real 'by birth' Brahmans. She lives a chaste life, she gave up eating meat/eggs, she turned strict vegetarian. I recollect a funny incident, I sent her to the next-door shop to buy me eggs that I wanted to apply in my hair. She was embarassed, she tried her best to discourage me, she said eggs shouldn't be brought into the house! Finally, she reluctantly bought some, but she explained to the shopkeeper that they were meant for my hair, she didn't want anyone to wonder why eggs were entering a Brahman household! She would tell me not to linger around the Puja area if I hadn't bathed yet! She voluntarily started fasting on holy days, attending jagarans, she says this is the way people approaching old age should live. I have never seen a woman as straight as her, that's why I refer to her as the patron Saint of Nannies. She may have been born a Shudra, but she has spent most of her life living like Brahman, and will die a Brahman. Because Brahman is a state of mind, not just a state of genes.
Thank God for technology, Tittu has a mobile phone that I can call her up on whenever I miss her too much. I know I will always be there for her.
When my parents go back to India, when I go back to India, I see Tittu living with us, I see her helping me raise my children. It broke my heart one day, when Tittu said, nobody will care for her even if she dies, she hopes that we will take care of her burial, because we are the children she has.
I want my children to be able to spend time with Tittu, I want them to know that she is their grand-nanny. I know she will love them as much as a grandma loves her grandkids.
Life is unfair. Tittu is everything in my life, everything in my eyes, but for outsiders, for legal eyes, she is just a househelp, I wish I could bring her here and show her my house, I can't, I will never manage her visa documentation.
I feel more bad for her than for my parents. Because my parents are my biological & legal parents, they can visit me here. Because they are educated, they have a computer at home, they have internet, they have a webcam, I send them our photos regularly, they see me on the webcam, I see them too. But with Tittu, I can't see her, she can't see me, I can't show her my pictures, she doesn't have an official address for me to post letters to. That is where the divide comes, a gap that cannot be bridged. In fact, I worry for her safety, she is a millionaire in the eyes of her deprived relatives. So I worry that they may want to snatch the single pair of gold earrings that she has, they might want to steal her money, they feel jealous of her mobile phone. So even to help Tittu, I fear. I bought gifts for my parents when I went to visit them, but I was worried about what to gift Tittu. I was scared of gifting her something expensive which her relatives/neighbours will see & it will be like I cause safety issues for her.
Of course, I shouldn't be complaining. Until two/three years ago, Tittu used to call us up for 2 minutes once in 2 months. It would be agony for me if she didn't call, I used to fear if she fell sick, if she got murdered, what the hell could have gone wrong with her? But now, she has a mobile phone, I can call her up regularly, I really thank God for this provision in life, it is a miracle.
The heart wrenching sadness comes in phases and goes. As a child, I wrote letters, now I can call, that is the only difference.
Tittu loved us so much, one summer, when she went to visit her people, my parents put us in a creche, I broke my arm. We were all in a mess. Dad sent a telegram to Tittu, Tittu just cut short her vacation and rushed back to look after me, she couldn't imagine leaving me without her care.
I never thought I would live life without her, separated from her, all of us on four different continents.
We continue looking after her financially/morally, because we know that she is our family, she will always be. I just hope that in our next janam, God, please make her my blood relative, so that legal hassles don't separate us, society doesn't separate us.
Of course, in a family, there are ups and downs. So there were with Tittu too. Tittu was more like mother, so she bossed around us, since she was in-charge of instilling good behavior/morals in us. We had all long forgotten that she was a househelp, she forgot it too, and started behaving a little too bossy, sometimes we didn't like it as we grew older. But dad always says, that if we have a real family member who misbehaves, do we throw them out? No, we stand by them. So even if Tittu spoke nonsense, dad said, she is like my younger sister, women go through menopause, that makes them upset, so we should stand by her patiently because she has noone other than us. Also, she hasn't seen outside life, so she doesn't know how valuable this is, she is a stupid innocent person.
Yes dad, you are so very right, as the years went by, I saw so many cases, where educated people intentinally misbehave with their family, speak nonsense, behave in a shameless selfish way, but the family doesn't throw them out, the family puts up with the abuse and tries their best to rehabilitate the person. If educated aware people can intentionally behave so cheap in big ways, the small nonsense that Tittu spoke in some phases feels minute.
It is especially minute in front of the colossal effort that she put up to make me "Me".
Today I see lots of working parents who juggle between careers and parenting, the children are often under pressure, the mothers give up work, all kinds of problems. Which we never felt as children, which mom never experienced, only because she had Tittu, we had Tittu, and Tittu had us. :-)
Most amazingly, I have actually seen real blood parents who are least bothered if their children aren't well fed or looked after, it stumps me to see mothers who are not bothered about simple things like deficiencies in children. And I think, wow God, you gave me a househelp, who felt more responsible for me than some mothers do. When I learnt all about vitamins, proteins, carbohydrates, balanced nutrition in Prep school, I narrated those stories to Tittu, Tittu would remind me of the same whenever I refused to eat, "Remember you told me it's necessary to eat Pappu, remember you told me it's necessary to eat Koora"....
I never grew up in Tittu's eyes, she gives me a list of 'Thing to be careful about' whenever we talk on phone, she feels bad that I need to cook/clean/wash all by myself, repeatedly she tells me, 'Had I been there, I would have done all that for you without your even having to tell me. Be careful with the stove flame, be careful with the sharp knife, don't do things in a hurry. Be careful to mop up any pool of water in your bath, you might trip later if it gets paachi."... I laugh, I try to tell her that my bathroom here doesn't have the scope for water to collect/stagnate... Then I realize that I can't explain... And she realizes that some of her fears might be unfounded, silly even, in my eyes.. So she apologizes, 'Don't mind if I tell you such things, I think of your safety all the time, in my eyes you'll always be a little girl"...
But when she needs advice about the outside world, she knows she's the little girl, and I am the big girl!!!
I love you Tittu, I wish I would email you and show you this blog, unfortunately you can't read. But when we meet next, I will read this out and translate it out for you!
O how could I forget, Tittu, I learnt Telugu all because of you, no problem if it is an inferior illiterate dialect that I picked from you, it was my mother tongue nevertheless!

Anger

Sometimes I feel such pure anger when I think of some people... That it makes me feel like... If I were a Rshi, the persons in question would have probably got burnt into ashes...
No I do not get angry generally in life, I am pretty adaptable and take pressure... But, there is a limit... And when I think my adaptability has been taken for a ride, or that my trust has been stretched too far, the rubber band snaps, the I-will-not-forget side of me comes out...
It's like, "Go live your life, let's get out of each other's way, this world is huge enough for us to stay away from each other"...
I feel very convinced that I am pursuing the correct career path in life- professional accounting. Where there is no scope/leeway to repeat errors, where Internal Controls are strictly checked, where risk is identified, measured, minimized, transferred, eliminated, but never allowed to just be there if material...
I guess I inherited this trait from my mother. No wonder she's a doctor... another profession where there is absolute zero tolerance for errors, you could kill or maime someone if you messed up...
I believe life is journey where we try to understand ourselves, adapt ourselves, accept our faults, learn to become better human beings.
In the quest for betterment, some people are really calm, they can hold back & keep giving lovingly even if held at gun-point. I am not like that, the way my karma is, if someone shows me a stick, I show them a rose. Then they show me a knife, I show them a white flag. But if they persist and show me a gun, I show them a huge missile.. :-) I am not the one who started it, and I tried my best to give them time to change.
However, if I realize at a point that it is only me who is expected to change for their pleasure, and they let me compromise without batting an eyelid, I don't like to just continue the status-quo, I prefer to speak out and challenge it.
It is not something I do voluntarily, it is how I have always been, outspoken when I see something wrong. I don't speak out unwanted advice, especially when wrong things are not spilling over to any innocent third parties. People are free to make their choices as per their own standards, as long as they don't harass/inconvenience others without permission.
But some people in this world, need to realize, that while they make a free choice, so can everyone. You do not have the right to make a free choice which impacts the life of another unless you seek explicit/implicit permission/accord.
I am not ready to extinguish this anger in my heart, because I am not a stone, I am a living thing, which is supposed to react to situations. And if my reaction is repressed, it shall stay inside me, within me, but it will not die down, it will not stop existing. God gave me this emotion only so that I can clearly express my reluctance, my inhibitions, my limits.
For if everything and anything is okay, if there is nothing to be angry about, if everything & anything can be tolerated & allowed, what is the purpose of higher thinking & life? There should be no rules, no law, no ethics, no responsibility/authority, no 'Bhaya/Bhakti', no?
Still exploring the differences between 'Giving in' and 'Giving up'. Some people who are forced by life to 'Give in', keep deluding themselves that they voluntarily 'Gave up' because of their mental control/huge heart etc.
I am still on a journey to meet a wise human who really sincerely 'Gave up'.
It is very easy to lecture to another to 'Give up', just because the lecturer has a vested interest in preserving the status-quo. When you lecture & force people to 'Give up', they don't really 'Give up", they 'Give in', and the 'wise' lecturer who gave them no other choice doesn't earn any good karma, everyone involved earn bad karma for having repressed a soul.
Of course, thank God I am not a Rshi! :-P
And here, I am not talking of holding a grudge against someone. Because like Neha said, "Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
But also as Donald Trump said, "Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that's more productive."

Men on women: Women are thinkers?

There is this famous phenomenon, very funnily portrayed by Russell Peters, about how when a woman asks a man what he's thinking, he says, "nothing", and she can't believe him, because women are incapable of resting their minds. :-)
Also, it goes on to say, that when a man asks a woman what she's thinking, and she says, "nothing", what she means is, "I am thinking something and I want to be coaxed & cajoled by you into telling you what I am thinking.".
That was funny indeed.
But I have often wondered, in a serious relationship context, why do women do this? Why do we not want to tell men when we are thinking about something that bothers us? Are we seeking attention, do we want to be coaxed and cajoled into telling them?
Well, it really depends on the situation. Russell Peters is indeed right about some women, they love to stay depressed, they blame everyone else for all their problems, they strongly  believe that God doesn't give them what they want. However, they don't have a moment's gratitude to thank God for what they have, since they want more more more. So in the pursuit of attention, they do these things of coming up with imaginary illnesses, a kind of hypochondria, or thoughts, that they won't readily disclose to their man, but yet, they will make him hang onto it... :-)
However, there is another section of women, who don't tell the man what they are thinking, not because they want more attention/persuasion, but because they sincerely don't want to share their thoughts.
The point is simple- when something bothers us, we tell the man what bothers us. But, what if you give up hope of any possible change? Not that we want a change, but what if the man doesn't even sympathize or acknowledge that something is wrong? What if you get a lecture about how to live life right, how to change your mind, how to tailor your thinking, how you are wrong in your perception?? Okay, sometimes, you can hold on patiently and try to understand, because a relation is all about two way communication, adaptability, readiness to embrace change. But sometimes in a relation, over time, you start noticing the pattern- every time you complain about something you don't like, you get a lecture about how your perception is wrong, how your thinking is at fault, how you are petty minded or money minded or childish, unfair, how your lifestyle was the wrong privileged/pampered one, and how the man's thinking is the most supreme, most unbiased, most rightly thing on this earth & beyond. Whereas when the man tells us a problem, we never let anything or anyone come between us.
So, the pattern noticed is, if you have a problem, you are sad with it. But if you try discussing it, you get a lecture on yourself, your problem anyway remains in your life. Furthermore, you are lectured into believing that the problem is in you, the problem is with you, the problem IS you. So, you don't even get sympathy.
Now, how far would a woman like to discuss her problems in such a situation?
Had I been in this kind of position, naturally, I will start saying, "Nothing" if I am asked if something is bothering me. It is because I know that there is no plan whatsoever to make me feel better materially or emotionally. So, I would prefer to be alone in my mind & heart, rather than pour out my side of the story, because all I will get is a demeaning lecture. Arguments don't lead you anywhere in life beyond a point. So if you love someone, you realize, it's better that you stay unhappy thinking your own thoughts, let him at least be happy, that is definitely better than a discussion which makes both of us unhappy, doesn't solve the problem, and further exposes the chasm & the reality- that nothing can change in my life, he doesn't really care about my happiness. His idea of making me happy is by giving me a lecture on how to change my thinking.
I can't give him a lecture, because whatever crappy family values/perceptions on life/theories on dealing with situations/balancing relations that he inherits are not at all crappy, whereas I have got all of mine wrong...
Beyond a point, it doesn't feel good to be repeatedly told that whatever problems you experience are all in your head, it starts feeling like everything about you is wrong, that he wants you to change to conform with his social inheritances.
When a man reaches that stage of quickly routinely dismissing your feelings, different women react differently. Most start shutting up, avoiding confrontations, minimizing display of sadness or frustration. That is when the "I am thinking nothing" starts. Surely, when you are sad, you don't want to let the man know what you are thinking, if you are sure that you will only get a lecture dissecting your entire thought & desire process, so that you end up even more lonelier & rejected than you did earlier.
Slowly with time, if there is something a woman doesn't like about a situation, she starts going quiet, she won't even bother to voice, "I don't like it", she will stay shut up. Because when you have a choice between "Voice it & not only will your world not change, you will feel depreciated & written off" and "Keep quiet, at least let him enjoy his life", slowly you start choosing the latter.
It takes months for a woman to notice the pattern of emotional dismissal that men employ. She thinks for months, and one day, decides to begin withdrawing.
Unfortunately, men don't notice these things, they are happy as long as their emotional goals are met and there is peace.
This is how most men are, and this is why some women transform into this kind of "Nothing" creatures.
There is another peculiar reason why women end up bottled up. I have observed some women who really are true 'pativratas', they bottle up their emotions/desires/reactions because they want their husband to be happy at any cost. So on the outside, the lady is calm & quiet, the epitome of patience, the personification of Sati, but on the inside, they are so lonely & sad, they just wait for an opportunity/person to pour out all their sadness. And I wonder, wow, her husband doesn't know how much she's hurting... I am not sure of how their marriage would be if the lady were a loud mouth frank talker like me!! But I do hope that she doesn't suffer the 'menopause syndrome' later in life, when all bottled up emotions explode in a colossal gush. Sometimes these women have some guilt deep inside their heart, some feeling of having sinned, some regret... So they hope that their secret sins will get washed off if they suffer patiently, and that they deserve a life of compromise as 'payment' for their karma/past misdeeds/better future/long life of husband/children, etc.
Of course, my theory doesn't hold much water in American/modern European societies where there is not as much social pressure. The issues I mentioned are especially unique to some illiterate/backward parts of eastern cultures, where a man doesn't live for his woman, but for his parents and his ego. While a woman is expected to cut off the last vestige of her self-respect & desires in the quest to eliminate her ego, transform her thinking and take marriage as a rebirth. Urban India is not this way, it is on the fast track to embracing western styles of living, let us see if it makes the people any happier?

Overcoming different levels of difficulty/stress

Here I am referring only to academics, employment, etc.
Until I attempted the US CPA exam, I was told by everyone, "Wow, it is a VERY hard exam, it is VERY tricky, it is full of concepts & analytical thinking, don't take it lightly, it is so prestigious if you pass it, you'll get golden opportunities once you're done with it", endless list of praise for the US CPA exam...
Well, I have already passed ACCA exams, and I assumed that CPA must be even harder, no wonder it has such global devotion??
But finally when I got my result, I realized that I had passed with flying colours, and now I can say that I was chickened out because of all the warnings, but ACCA was much much more tougher than this...
So, now that I am done with the Financial Reporting module (which was a gentle breeze compared to ACCA's FR), I suddenly meet a bunch of people from all around who tell me it's very easy, silly exam, nothing compared to the Chartered Accountancy programs of other countries, etc...
So now I am wondering, what happened to the talk of prestige, golden opportunities etc?
Personally, now that I have experienced both systems (US CPA, ACCA), I will honestly say, it's the same... US follows GAAP, ACCA was IFRS... US will soon shift to IFRS in the long term when they are done with the convergence issues... For now, just that US GAAP is 'rule based', whereas IFRS is 'best practice' based...
It is very interesting reading up on the US perspective of accounting, taxation, audit etc, I notice that all fundamental basic concepts are universal in the profession of accounting. However, there are certain major differences in treatment due to legal benchmarks on management, presentation & disclosure.
Now that I have achieved it and overcome the biggest hurdle in the US CPA exam (the big fat FR module), I feel like, wow, this is it? so simple?
Now I am thirsty again, now I am restless again, now I feel useless again...
I guess until we achieve something in life, it feels prestigious, hard-to-reach, full of golden opportunities, rare, deified, THE best...
But after you've achieved it, you feel like, "it must be so simple if I have been able to do it, surely there are further challenges ahead, with greener pastures, this can't be the best, there's got to be better ahead"...
So the journey to learn continues, the journey to know more continues, the journey to improve continues, the thirst lives on, the desires grow further. The pursuit of education is like deer chasing a mirage on the horizon, the further you go, the more you know there is to achieve, the smaller you feel, the bigger you want to grow...
But yes, with every achievement, there is a sense of happiness, a sense of contentment at that level... Only that we move onto the next level, for that is the struggle for survival & the desire to grow... good, better, best, bestER, bestEST. :-)

The understanding of mysterious diseases

I watched a documentary- I Remember Me (2000). It is all about a little understood disease, which has been classified as "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome(CFS)" based on its symptoms. It broke my heart, to see people who contemplate suicide out of sheer physical and mental pain. Physical pain from the disease.... Mental pain from the worry of what it could be, how it will unfold, when it will end, what all might happen next.. And the psychological problems associated- how to explain your position to society, how to deal with people who make fun of you. Even doctors labelled some patients as hypochondriacs, dismissed it as part of hallucinatory reactions, God knows what...
I could understand this from a very personal viewpoint. I have seen someone very close suffer from a debilitating condition that they had to put up with abruptly for 6 years of life...  It was literally like a 'Maaya rogam', we never knew what caused it, we are not sure of why it ended. But throughout, we tried everything under the sun, specialists from the best parts of the world, from the best institutions, and there was no root cause to pinpoint. Watching this documentary, I remembered how they used to be in pain abruptly in phases, and totally normal otherwise, living life, pursuing a career.. But when they got into the sickness phase, totally bedridden, limping, needing people's support to walk, like a cripple..
Some thick skinned people made fun, one of them was a doctor relative! He asked if they'll start a club for this disease! Wow, just because you don't suffer it, and because you have not seen them suffering it, you assume it to be a nothing, a case of hypochondria, lies or show-off...
Finally the person in question got a bad bad attack in front of everyone, and perhaps they understood what the patient goes through. It is harrowing even for the family, the patient retreats & shuns the public when their sickness is at its peak, they resurface only on days when they feel okay.. So the society assumes that the sickness is all a farce, or that the family members don't care, or that the family members are not doing enough to make life better...
Like the people interviewed in the documentary said, the patient almost prays to God, o God, at least let this be cancer, so that I know what it is, I know I will die in a particular time frame, people will understand & not make fun of me, at least I'll get some sympathy if nothing else... that is much better than this agonizing mystery.
Of course, my close friend was lucky, doctors sympathized with the condition, they accepted that something was terribly wrong... Whereas, patients suffering from CFS have even had doctors make fun of them!! Terrible...
I guess the solution will emerge if one or two doctors come down with this condition, then they'll know that they are not making it up, hallucinating, showing off, etc.
When HIV/AIDS wasn't understood, it was clubbed into the same group of mystery hysterias such as CFS. However, AIDS patients have largely been redeemed today, at least enough research has pinpointed the root cause, and studies are underway to overcome it.
The first documented cases of breast cancer were also dismissed as hysteria.
All that these patients of CFS asked for is, please give us a name for our disease, acknowledge its existence, nothing more....
I could totally understand, a name is a tag for individuality, a name acknowledges the existence of a separate identifiable entity.
Just as our name is a part of us, our suffering deserves to be acknowledged and labelled too.

Love affairs and Unwanted Pregnancies & the desire to sire

I am surprized at how the new India is turning out, how the culture is evolving in the new generation. They find it super cool & very forward to have love affairs. Pre-marital affairs are no problem in this society, everyone has a right to live their life the way they want...
Okay fine...
But when it comes to 'mistakes' in a marriage, they are full of despair, remorse, frustration or embarrassment (a kaleidoscope of emotions that I noticed) if they have an early unplanned pregnancy.
I know there is no link between having an affair and having a pregnancy...
And here, I am not even trying the pro-abortion or anti-abortion lobbies...
I just wonder, that how is it okay for you to go around having a romantic fling, but you are embarrassed of announcing your baby to the world even while in a wedlock???
A baby is somebody who has no fault, it comes into this world only because of what you do, and it is still your baby... It may be unplanned, but how can you make such a tiny being feel unwanted? And feel embarrassed about announcing it to the world? And resent its presence because of your own uneducated careless stupidity?
People don't make fun of those who have affairs, it is super okay in this modern Indian culture. But people make fun of those who have a child early on in their marriage....
I remember a line from my childhood, "Shame shame puppy shame", God knows what the "puppy" was about...
But shame shame puppy shame is what I feel about this kind of coolness. It is called a depraved society.
Here again, I am not trying to link up affairs with pregnancies. There is no logical link. But I talk of these two issues, because I noticed that most 'forward' people find the former totally tolerable & exciting (in fact, it deserves an applause), whereas the latter is nearly shameful... God, dear very forward head, how were you born??? Because your mom got pregnant right??? So what is so embarrassing about that?
And since when did the institution of "Marriage" become such a dustbin? Marriage is boring, affairs are the in-thing, babies are embarrassing... Weird world some people spin up for themselves. For if you can't be proud of your own clot of blood, what more emotions can you ever feel? Even if not proud, perhaps overwhelmed, confused, but how can one be very upset or embarrassed and make a tiny thing feel unwanted?
God's ways are unfathomable, He pushes unwanted kids down the throats of ill-prepared we-are-not-ready-for-this people, but there are those who desperately want kids, and they can't have any, they face another lonely trauma that I can't talk about since I don't wholly comprehend it.
Here I am not trying to glorify motherhood, I totally understand that there are those of us who don't want kids... That is okay too, just being responsible with whatever we do in life is enough.
There is a certain problem with writing on this kind of topic- the abortion lobbyists will think I am trying to make a pro/anti abortion point, the feminists will think that I am slinging mud at those who don't want kids, everyone might think up all kind of stuff..
But my question remains- what is the definition of 'forward/open mindedness', does it mean 'marriage is a headache, everything outside of a marriage is exciting, all the responsibility that comes with marriage sucks'.......
And why is it embarrassing to announce a baby soon after marriage?

Yay! Freudenfreude! ;-)

Yay! I have really missed blogging in the last few weeks. Mr.Husband seems to have downloaded some trojan virus while watching dear IPL (he denies the possibility, and says it's worth it even if it is so), three very clever genius trojans I must say! ;-) Kudos to the human brains behind them, why do human beings spend so much time creating such useless code, which is nothing more than hampering my activities, doesn't even benefit them? A clear case of Schadenfreude?
A double kudos to the humans who sit writing code that detects & wipes out these trojans. Our three malketeers had effectively blocked the system from accessing any authorized big players of anti-virus, anti-spyware programs/websites. So a little-known website came to our rescue with a little-known program, we could download it and successfully killed the trojans ;-) That is human spirit, that is humanity, that is perhaps a case of Freudenfreude? :-D When there are so many practitioners of Schadenfreude and Freudenschade in this world, what keeps the world well oiled & running, is the silent practitioner of Freudenfreude! May their numbers increase!!! I want to be one too (I hope I am one)!!
Yay when I could access the blog!!! Yay yay yay!
Of course, my heart skipped a beat when I noticed that it still goes blank sometimes, but works fine when I refresh. So let's see, perhaps the soul of one tiny Trojan stays on??!!?? (touch wood), but it's not being detected by the Trojan remover or Spybot.
So many topics that I wanted to blog on but haven't been able to, it's so nice to be back, and I hope I am here to stay, and that the unwelcome guest Virus doesn't come back ever ;-)
What was the point of Norton anti-virus? We have the latest one with the updates, so how did three malketeers enter our system? :-P I totally don't get it...
But I am happy nevertheless ;-)

The nicest feelings of life

One of the nicest feelings in life, is when I come across old friends, from decades ago, on facebook, and see them married to their teenage sweetheart... Wow, it fills my heart with a surge of emotions, I feel so good, there in that one photo, is a sum of all things beautiful in life, the awesome commitment and togetherness, the feeling of foreverness.
Looking at them makes me feel happy and good.
Seriously, there is nothing more beautiful & powerful than the feeling of being wanted, of being loved. And seeing others in that position makes me feel so good, watching their happiness makes me happy, watching their togetherness makes me feel one with life.
Thanks God, for creating these things called 'family', 'relations', 'commitment', 'friendship', really blessed are those who have strong relationship bonds in their life, more importantly, blessed are those who value those bonds and cherish them.
Of course there are two sides to every coin, I do come across some weird stories too, which I don't want to dwell over in this happy mood.
For just now, I found a school friend on facebook, who is now happily married to the love of her life, at this moment I feel like real life is even more romantic and rewarding than a movie ;-) Perhaps movies draw inspiration from such people ;-)
It is the cutest thing to watch two teenagers in a strong bond of friendship, that grows into love and they get married in adulthood. Wow, what could be more romantic? :-)