Anger

Sometimes I feel such pure anger when I think of some people... That it makes me feel like... If I were a Rshi, the persons in question would have probably got burnt into ashes...
No I do not get angry generally in life, I am pretty adaptable and take pressure... But, there is a limit... And when I think my adaptability has been taken for a ride, or that my trust has been stretched too far, the rubber band snaps, the I-will-not-forget side of me comes out...
It's like, "Go live your life, let's get out of each other's way, this world is huge enough for us to stay away from each other"...
I feel very convinced that I am pursuing the correct career path in life- professional accounting. Where there is no scope/leeway to repeat errors, where Internal Controls are strictly checked, where risk is identified, measured, minimized, transferred, eliminated, but never allowed to just be there if material...
I guess I inherited this trait from my mother. No wonder she's a doctor... another profession where there is absolute zero tolerance for errors, you could kill or maime someone if you messed up...
I believe life is journey where we try to understand ourselves, adapt ourselves, accept our faults, learn to become better human beings.
In the quest for betterment, some people are really calm, they can hold back & keep giving lovingly even if held at gun-point. I am not like that, the way my karma is, if someone shows me a stick, I show them a rose. Then they show me a knife, I show them a white flag. But if they persist and show me a gun, I show them a huge missile.. :-) I am not the one who started it, and I tried my best to give them time to change.
However, if I realize at a point that it is only me who is expected to change for their pleasure, and they let me compromise without batting an eyelid, I don't like to just continue the status-quo, I prefer to speak out and challenge it.
It is not something I do voluntarily, it is how I have always been, outspoken when I see something wrong. I don't speak out unwanted advice, especially when wrong things are not spilling over to any innocent third parties. People are free to make their choices as per their own standards, as long as they don't harass/inconvenience others without permission.
But some people in this world, need to realize, that while they make a free choice, so can everyone. You do not have the right to make a free choice which impacts the life of another unless you seek explicit/implicit permission/accord.
I am not ready to extinguish this anger in my heart, because I am not a stone, I am a living thing, which is supposed to react to situations. And if my reaction is repressed, it shall stay inside me, within me, but it will not die down, it will not stop existing. God gave me this emotion only so that I can clearly express my reluctance, my inhibitions, my limits.
For if everything and anything is okay, if there is nothing to be angry about, if everything & anything can be tolerated & allowed, what is the purpose of higher thinking & life? There should be no rules, no law, no ethics, no responsibility/authority, no 'Bhaya/Bhakti', no?
Still exploring the differences between 'Giving in' and 'Giving up'. Some people who are forced by life to 'Give in', keep deluding themselves that they voluntarily 'Gave up' because of their mental control/huge heart etc.
I am still on a journey to meet a wise human who really sincerely 'Gave up'.
It is very easy to lecture to another to 'Give up', just because the lecturer has a vested interest in preserving the status-quo. When you lecture & force people to 'Give up', they don't really 'Give up", they 'Give in', and the 'wise' lecturer who gave them no other choice doesn't earn any good karma, everyone involved earn bad karma for having repressed a soul.
Of course, thank God I am not a Rshi! :-P
And here, I am not talking of holding a grudge against someone. Because like Neha said, "Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
But also as Donald Trump said, "Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that's more productive."