Sometimes in life, nothing feels right, nothing feels wrong... Each of us is a culprit, each of us the victim. Time determines everything, for it sets all the actions to collide with precision and creates a synergy out of the coincidences... Every individual action is a chance, but the combined effect seems to be too precise to be mere 'by chance', it's surely a measured destiny just ticking away like a time bomb, waiting to explode once all the actions kick in like clockwork.
Just depending on the sequence of all the individual occurrences unfolding into the open, the oppressor can become the victim, and the victim the oppressor.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
On Parents & their children
I have always felt this, but I want to put it down in writing.
Parents are the only people on earth who don't remind us of our errors, who pretend like we never hurt them, every child is a diamond to its mother's eyes.
As a Chinese proverb goes:
From a parent's perspective, it is also another thing to muster that kind of unconditional love for someone other than an own child.
It surprises me, how parents don't see their own child's faults and don't understand why someone can't get along with their dominating child, and can't understand why someone wouldn't want to be compromising for their child.
There is something very interesting that my mother told me once. I noticed her really praising her daughter-in-law a lot, so I asked her why she is so obsessed with her daughter-in-law to the extent of ignoring her own son! I was told that the son or daughter anyway knows that mother loves them, whereas a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law should be shown even more attention so that they realize they are being appreciated, they should feel wanted in a new family.
Then I realized that God makes some relations for us, but we have to cultivate those & make others ourselves.
I try to make the effort to externalize my appreciation for people, it makes their life happier when they realize they're respected. Whereas if the appreciation was just in my heart, they wouldn't have known!
All these observations in life, I find very amusing... But I don't practice everything that I observe. For example, I am not nice to people who are consistently not nice to me. I don't believe in bottling up oneself & living sad, if somebody hurts you, forgive them if you're able to, but don't shut up if you're really hurting inside, give it back to them if the attack continues. I am not referring to "revenge", "revenge" is really bad, I am just talking of "defense".
Life is short, it is my desire to be nice to people, and be nicer to people who are nice to me. And try my best to ignore, forgive, forget people who aren't nice to me. But I also believe that it is not just me who has to adjust, if I suffer too much of agony because of having to shut up, I decide to open my mouth (and I have a very loud one).
Oops this article was supposed to be about parents, I have diverged into some other zone (as always).
Parents are the only people on earth who don't remind us of our errors, who pretend like we never hurt them, every child is a diamond to its mother's eyes.
As a Chinese proverb goes:
“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it"But it would be another thing if it was possible to get that kind of love from other people, it doesn't come free, it has to be earned with hard work, and hard-work doesn't always pay! Perhaps that's when most of us look back on childhood and appreciate our parents even more than we did before.
From a parent's perspective, it is also another thing to muster that kind of unconditional love for someone other than an own child.
It surprises me, how parents don't see their own child's faults and don't understand why someone can't get along with their dominating child, and can't understand why someone wouldn't want to be compromising for their child.
There is something very interesting that my mother told me once. I noticed her really praising her daughter-in-law a lot, so I asked her why she is so obsessed with her daughter-in-law to the extent of ignoring her own son! I was told that the son or daughter anyway knows that mother loves them, whereas a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law should be shown even more attention so that they realize they are being appreciated, they should feel wanted in a new family.
Then I realized that God makes some relations for us, but we have to cultivate those & make others ourselves.
I try to make the effort to externalize my appreciation for people, it makes their life happier when they realize they're respected. Whereas if the appreciation was just in my heart, they wouldn't have known!
All these observations in life, I find very amusing... But I don't practice everything that I observe. For example, I am not nice to people who are consistently not nice to me. I don't believe in bottling up oneself & living sad, if somebody hurts you, forgive them if you're able to, but don't shut up if you're really hurting inside, give it back to them if the attack continues. I am not referring to "revenge", "revenge" is really bad, I am just talking of "defense".
Life is short, it is my desire to be nice to people, and be nicer to people who are nice to me. And try my best to ignore, forgive, forget people who aren't nice to me. But I also believe that it is not just me who has to adjust, if I suffer too much of agony because of having to shut up, I decide to open my mouth (and I have a very loud one).
Oops this article was supposed to be about parents, I have diverged into some other zone (as always).
Rain clouds
Life is not full of black & white, there are some grey spots too,
Not every grey cloud brings thunder, some bring water too!
That was a limerick somebody I admired composed ages ago, he wrote it out to me in a letter, which was subsequently stolen, but I have the poem etched in my memory.
He wrote it when he was in deep trouble, he's risen now.
I am waiting to rise, still struggling, and keep thinking of this poem to make myself smile!
Not every grey cloud brings thunder, some bring water too!
That was a limerick somebody I admired composed ages ago, he wrote it out to me in a letter, which was subsequently stolen, but I have the poem etched in my memory.
He wrote it when he was in deep trouble, he's risen now.
I am waiting to rise, still struggling, and keep thinking of this poem to make myself smile!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Excerpt of Chetan Bhagat's speech at Symbiosis (apparently)
Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.
There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.
"Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die. ……………….
One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? …………….
It's ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, little fights with your spouse. We are people, not programmed devices........." :)
"Don't be serious, be sincere."!!
There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.
"Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die. ……………….
One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? …………….
It's ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, little fights with your spouse. We are people, not programmed devices........." :)
"Don't be serious, be sincere."!!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
My (very limited) experiences with corruption
Because I am in that kind of mood today, where I remember every wrong thing that the "system" forced me to do...
There was a time I paid Rs.50 to the post man, as a bribe, because he wouldn't give me the registered post, I knew it contained my sister's passport, he wanted her to take it personally and sign... I had a authorization letter from her, he wouldn't listen, all because he wants to harass...
I felt nasty... My friend laughed at me, he said Rs.50 was too much, Rs.5 would have been enough...
That postman went away with a leer... He sang a song to me while I walked on the road later... He knew he was the king of the moment...
That situation really had an impact on me, it was my first personal brush with the 'baddies' of the world.
That is when I realised, that I can't control every situation in life.. He chooses to be corrupt, I can't help it. There is no time to file an official police complaint, I can't really drag him to court, I need the post urgently. So I decide to give in.
But it's okay, I can limit the influence of such people in my life.
Out of that frustration, I realised how lucky I was.
Thank God my father is not that kind of person, thank God I wasn't fed & raised on such money!
Thank God my mom taught me self-respect... Thank God for all this... And I can make a choice to be friends with like minded people. I can choose not to have that post-man kind of character in my real life... I can choose my life partner... So that there is no corruption or lack of ethics at least in my personal life.
I can tolerate all the baddies from a safe distance, say hi, say bye, give in to them sometimes when I have some urgent work. But I can't be friends, I can't admire them, I can't be like that, I can't bend. I won't do it personally, I will resist it whenever I am in authority, whenever I have the choice.
And I won't let my temper flare up because of one post-man, at least he needs the money, and has the excuse of being illiterate. At least he's not swindling millions, he just engages in small time corruption to feed his family. His like-minded educated brothers & sisters play the same game, with hundreds thousands, and millions, probably because they learnt how to count larger numbers at school...
At least this situation showed his money-mindedness in this external world, but there are lots of unethical money-minded people who torture their own families to extract money, at least Mr.Postman did it for his kids!
But I pray for him always, I hope my Rs.50 note brought something positive into his life and changed him for the better.
Life is long, and we come across a lot of such situations... Try to purchase real estate, the dealer demands money in black even if we're ready to pay in white.. It is impossible to live the Gandhian way of non-cooperation, that will only make us live house-less ;-) These kind of things used to bug me earlier... Now I know, that I should try my best, and I can make the right choices within my personal reach, what lies beyond is left to God, and I know that out there in the beyond, swim lots of souls just as nice (and in fact much nicer, the nicest ones are silent) than me!
There was a time I paid Rs.50 to the post man, as a bribe, because he wouldn't give me the registered post, I knew it contained my sister's passport, he wanted her to take it personally and sign... I had a authorization letter from her, he wouldn't listen, all because he wants to harass...
I felt nasty... My friend laughed at me, he said Rs.50 was too much, Rs.5 would have been enough...
That postman went away with a leer... He sang a song to me while I walked on the road later... He knew he was the king of the moment...
That situation really had an impact on me, it was my first personal brush with the 'baddies' of the world.
That is when I realised, that I can't control every situation in life.. He chooses to be corrupt, I can't help it. There is no time to file an official police complaint, I can't really drag him to court, I need the post urgently. So I decide to give in.
But it's okay, I can limit the influence of such people in my life.
Out of that frustration, I realised how lucky I was.
Thank God my father is not that kind of person, thank God I wasn't fed & raised on such money!
Thank God my mom taught me self-respect... Thank God for all this... And I can make a choice to be friends with like minded people. I can choose not to have that post-man kind of character in my real life... I can choose my life partner... So that there is no corruption or lack of ethics at least in my personal life.
I can tolerate all the baddies from a safe distance, say hi, say bye, give in to them sometimes when I have some urgent work. But I can't be friends, I can't admire them, I can't be like that, I can't bend. I won't do it personally, I will resist it whenever I am in authority, whenever I have the choice.
And I won't let my temper flare up because of one post-man, at least he needs the money, and has the excuse of being illiterate. At least he's not swindling millions, he just engages in small time corruption to feed his family. His like-minded educated brothers & sisters play the same game, with hundreds thousands, and millions, probably because they learnt how to count larger numbers at school...
At least this situation showed his money-mindedness in this external world, but there are lots of unethical money-minded people who torture their own families to extract money, at least Mr.Postman did it for his kids!
But I pray for him always, I hope my Rs.50 note brought something positive into his life and changed him for the better.
Life is long, and we come across a lot of such situations... Try to purchase real estate, the dealer demands money in black even if we're ready to pay in white.. It is impossible to live the Gandhian way of non-cooperation, that will only make us live house-less ;-) These kind of things used to bug me earlier... Now I know, that I should try my best, and I can make the right choices within my personal reach, what lies beyond is left to God, and I know that out there in the beyond, swim lots of souls just as nice (and in fact much nicer, the nicest ones are silent) than me!
Air India Hai Hai
Today's one of those days when I feel helpless, frustrated... I recollect my bad experience with Air India... In January 09, I lost my unaccompanied baggage while travelling from Hyderabad to New York City by Air India. It wasn't actually lost, it was in fact "stolen". The logs show that it arrived in Newark Airport's Air India godown. I was intimated by phone to collect it on a wednesday. I went there on the weekend, on a saturday, and they couldn't find my bag. They tried to track it and then told me to file for compensation.
That is when I realised what a bunch of lazy incompetent people they are, cheats... It's all collusion... They tried their best to frustrate my attempts at lodging a claim... I somehow managed to post my claim before the deadline.. But every time I called up, the secretary told me her manager was out/on leave/in meetings, that my claim papers are missing, will I please fax them a copy once again.
Finally I realised that there is little I can do with a bunch of lazy cheats, customers don't matter to them beyond being a revenue milking machine.
An employee at the godown discreetly (but very clearly) told me that things disappear all the time from Air India godown..
Well, all my anti-blessings on that carrier, I prayed hard to seek my revenge (I never forget, I am like an icchadhaari naagin)...
I did everything possible in my hands, like sending emails to all the email ids mentioned on their website (most of which bounced back, or I didnt get replies to).
I do not have a receipt for my claim since that shrewd secretary Debbie didn't give me one, their systems are designed for seamless collusion between all employees... I told her on her face that no other carrier behaves this way (it's true, my luggage was misplaced by Gulf Air, they processed my claim instantly), Debbie had the nerve to retort, "Well, this is Air India"! Now what can one say to somebody who says, "Well, I AM shameless, well, I am lazy, well I am incompetent, this is the way we work!"
When I read in news that Air India was going bankrupt, my joy knew no bounds. I wanted to call up Debbie (that lazy callous secretary who told me to fax my claims again and again) and tell her I am so happy for her and all the employees who won't get paid on time.
My heart broke when I realised that the Government was going to bail them out... But thank God, my parents aren't in India, nor is my husband, nor do my parents-in-law pay income tax in India, because I don't want my family's hard earned money to bail out those lazy bastards.
I can't change the whole world, I can't make shameless people feel ashamed, I can't find justice for every situation, but surely, I can try my best to disassociate myself from cheap opportunists, lazy incompetent bugs, may God bless them in their impunity, for they don't realize that there is an account for everything, and that they will pay for their behavoir. What goes around, comes around.
As for me, I have learnt to overcome my loss, it was only baggage... It was only material things.. I can collect more material things later in life, I take it as "nazar utaarna". It was very sad, I cried a lot, I lost every single memory that my husband & I collected over the years.... All his letters to me, his notes to me, were in that bag... They are all gone. I always dreamed of going through them years later. But I lost them within a fortnight of marriage... I cried a bit, a lot actually, but I gave up, it's a sign from God, that He'll keep us happy ever after, after this initial loss....
There is a fear somewhere inside me that our horoscopes don't match, this sad event was like 'nazar utaarna', its like the death of the old 'us', and the birth of a new 'us'.
It's okay as long as I have my husband's company, I can do without the things!
In a very small way, I tried to understand how my music sir's family must feel about having to flee Kashmir... Auntyji was ever complaining, every flower, every fruit, every rain drop, every drop of sweat, reminded her of her own house, her own garden, her own trees, in Sopore... She must have felt so much grief on being uprooted, but she managed to smile.
I shouldn't be too petty all about a small bag...
That is when I realised what a bunch of lazy incompetent people they are, cheats... It's all collusion... They tried their best to frustrate my attempts at lodging a claim... I somehow managed to post my claim before the deadline.. But every time I called up, the secretary told me her manager was out/on leave/in meetings, that my claim papers are missing, will I please fax them a copy once again.
Finally I realised that there is little I can do with a bunch of lazy cheats, customers don't matter to them beyond being a revenue milking machine.
An employee at the godown discreetly (but very clearly) told me that things disappear all the time from Air India godown..
Well, all my anti-blessings on that carrier, I prayed hard to seek my revenge (I never forget, I am like an icchadhaari naagin)...
I did everything possible in my hands, like sending emails to all the email ids mentioned on their website (most of which bounced back, or I didnt get replies to).
I do not have a receipt for my claim since that shrewd secretary Debbie didn't give me one, their systems are designed for seamless collusion between all employees... I told her on her face that no other carrier behaves this way (it's true, my luggage was misplaced by Gulf Air, they processed my claim instantly), Debbie had the nerve to retort, "Well, this is Air India"! Now what can one say to somebody who says, "Well, I AM shameless, well, I am lazy, well I am incompetent, this is the way we work!"
When I read in news that Air India was going bankrupt, my joy knew no bounds. I wanted to call up Debbie (that lazy callous secretary who told me to fax my claims again and again) and tell her I am so happy for her and all the employees who won't get paid on time.
My heart broke when I realised that the Government was going to bail them out... But thank God, my parents aren't in India, nor is my husband, nor do my parents-in-law pay income tax in India, because I don't want my family's hard earned money to bail out those lazy bastards.
I can't change the whole world, I can't make shameless people feel ashamed, I can't find justice for every situation, but surely, I can try my best to disassociate myself from cheap opportunists, lazy incompetent bugs, may God bless them in their impunity, for they don't realize that there is an account for everything, and that they will pay for their behavoir. What goes around, comes around.
As for me, I have learnt to overcome my loss, it was only baggage... It was only material things.. I can collect more material things later in life, I take it as "nazar utaarna". It was very sad, I cried a lot, I lost every single memory that my husband & I collected over the years.... All his letters to me, his notes to me, were in that bag... They are all gone. I always dreamed of going through them years later. But I lost them within a fortnight of marriage... I cried a bit, a lot actually, but I gave up, it's a sign from God, that He'll keep us happy ever after, after this initial loss....
There is a fear somewhere inside me that our horoscopes don't match, this sad event was like 'nazar utaarna', its like the death of the old 'us', and the birth of a new 'us'.
It's okay as long as I have my husband's company, I can do without the things!
In a very small way, I tried to understand how my music sir's family must feel about having to flee Kashmir... Auntyji was ever complaining, every flower, every fruit, every rain drop, every drop of sweat, reminded her of her own house, her own garden, her own trees, in Sopore... She must have felt so much grief on being uprooted, but she managed to smile.
I shouldn't be too petty all about a small bag...
I got a thorough mini heart attack just now, I forgot my blog id, and I went into somebody else's blog, and thought that perhaps my blog was hacked or something... :-D
hehehehe I am so happy right now to realize that it was just an error on my part :-)
It's also funny, how I first thought of things that must have gone wrong externally (someone hacked), rather than studying my own contribution for errors (I typed the spelling wrong)
hehehehe I am so happy right now to realize that it was just an error on my part :-)
It's also funny, how I first thought of things that must have gone wrong externally (someone hacked), rather than studying my own contribution for errors (I typed the spelling wrong)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The wailing woman
I heard you once again last night sister... In the dead of the night, when everything is quiet, I can hear you debate with confidence... Then I hear you begin to mumble, then you shout a bit, finally the weeping starts... It breaks my heart... 6 inches of wall separates me from you... As I hear you weep and shout, I wish I could speak to you from within the wall... Your voices are muffled with the barriers between us, but I can hear your emotions, your movement, your fear, your disappointment at feeling let down, the frustration, it explodes into hysterical anger once in a while....
Then when he raises his voice and threatens you, I feel good that you're at least shouting back through your tears... But you're tired now, you're choking on your tears, you're out of breath... He starts giving you a lecture, very firm, very patient, very loud and clear, he knows what he wants, he is convinced that you're the drama queen... You ignore him, drowned in your own sorrow... To make the point clear, he comes closer to you, probably pulls at your hair or twists your hand, I can hear you yelp like a puppy in pain, you shout out, begging him, telling him that it hurts...
I look into the night and think of how lucky I am, I seem to live inside a bubble, totally isolated from violence... But from within the bubble, I can peep out and see horrible nightmares all around me...
I look at the sleeping form of my husband, he's lucky these noises don't disturb him.
I feel guilty, I know you're suffering, you're lonely and sad, I really want to meet you in real life, hear all your problems and give you strength...
I feel guilty, because I know what is happening in your life, yet I am doing nothing about it... If you ever give up the struggle, your blood will be on my hands...
On the outside, you're a very modern girl, educated, you probably work.. I wonder if anyone other than us knows what you go through...
Sometimes I reason myself out of my guilt, you are fighting back, you don't shout for help, so you must be okay, it looks like you feel safe enough to continue this stalemate.. Besides, I am not sure if my intervention would be of any help, perhaps I might embarrass you more by bringing your problems out into the open.... After all, some of us feel it more important to continue the show, outsiders mustn't know of our failings, it feels okay as long as the fault is not exposed..
I have a gut feeling that you appreciate my silence, I will do nothing, I will hear all, but stay stone still.. With my ears pressed to the cold barrier between us, I live through your despair, I am sleepless just like you are, you're my horror movie, as this movie unfurls, I pray to God...
Last night, you were complaining about how much you have compromised, while he was patiently firmly telling you that those are small things in life that you should be able to adjust with ease. Once again a coincidence in life, I had only recently blogged on self-respect/adjustment/compromise...
I try my best to guess your problems, I have partly guessed them...
My husband is cool about such things, he says he's seen so many such cases in life, it is "part of life".
On other days, I can hear you laugh loudly, with friends in your home, both of you behaving like the perfect couple, throwing a party, I am glad you're happy in some moments...
Sister, I don't know why you choose to live through it this way, your life keeps exploding like a volcano once in a while...
Perhaps you feel normal or happy most of the time, but are these volcanic eruptions worth it?
But good that you shout back, good that you make a lot of noise and don't let him sleep, for you shouldn't go through the pain alone.
As for me, as I watch you, I get more confused, my ego levels are rising in the vicarious quest to get you some self-respect. I am not sure on what to do, or what not to do. I do pray for you though. And I hope you make the right decision. God be with you!
Note: Feb 1st, 2010
The wailing continues, I hear it once in a while. Now I know that the couple are both software engineers, and that they argue about money. The guy seems to be stingy. The girl keeps crying about "being born as a girl", and how the guy changed after marriage.
God knows the truth, God help them, but now I don't at all feel guilty when I hear her cry, because I know she's in it on her own volition, she shouts a LOT and makes his life as miserable as he's made hers.
Then when he raises his voice and threatens you, I feel good that you're at least shouting back through your tears... But you're tired now, you're choking on your tears, you're out of breath... He starts giving you a lecture, very firm, very patient, very loud and clear, he knows what he wants, he is convinced that you're the drama queen... You ignore him, drowned in your own sorrow... To make the point clear, he comes closer to you, probably pulls at your hair or twists your hand, I can hear you yelp like a puppy in pain, you shout out, begging him, telling him that it hurts...
I look into the night and think of how lucky I am, I seem to live inside a bubble, totally isolated from violence... But from within the bubble, I can peep out and see horrible nightmares all around me...
I look at the sleeping form of my husband, he's lucky these noises don't disturb him.
I feel guilty, I know you're suffering, you're lonely and sad, I really want to meet you in real life, hear all your problems and give you strength...
I feel guilty, because I know what is happening in your life, yet I am doing nothing about it... If you ever give up the struggle, your blood will be on my hands...
On the outside, you're a very modern girl, educated, you probably work.. I wonder if anyone other than us knows what you go through...
Sometimes I reason myself out of my guilt, you are fighting back, you don't shout for help, so you must be okay, it looks like you feel safe enough to continue this stalemate.. Besides, I am not sure if my intervention would be of any help, perhaps I might embarrass you more by bringing your problems out into the open.... After all, some of us feel it more important to continue the show, outsiders mustn't know of our failings, it feels okay as long as the fault is not exposed..
I have a gut feeling that you appreciate my silence, I will do nothing, I will hear all, but stay stone still.. With my ears pressed to the cold barrier between us, I live through your despair, I am sleepless just like you are, you're my horror movie, as this movie unfurls, I pray to God...
Last night, you were complaining about how much you have compromised, while he was patiently firmly telling you that those are small things in life that you should be able to adjust with ease. Once again a coincidence in life, I had only recently blogged on self-respect/adjustment/compromise...
I try my best to guess your problems, I have partly guessed them...
My husband is cool about such things, he says he's seen so many such cases in life, it is "part of life".
On other days, I can hear you laugh loudly, with friends in your home, both of you behaving like the perfect couple, throwing a party, I am glad you're happy in some moments...
Sister, I don't know why you choose to live through it this way, your life keeps exploding like a volcano once in a while...
Perhaps you feel normal or happy most of the time, but are these volcanic eruptions worth it?
But good that you shout back, good that you make a lot of noise and don't let him sleep, for you shouldn't go through the pain alone.
As for me, as I watch you, I get more confused, my ego levels are rising in the vicarious quest to get you some self-respect. I am not sure on what to do, or what not to do. I do pray for you though. And I hope you make the right decision. God be with you!
Note: Feb 1st, 2010
The wailing continues, I hear it once in a while. Now I know that the couple are both software engineers, and that they argue about money. The guy seems to be stingy. The girl keeps crying about "being born as a girl", and how the guy changed after marriage.
God knows the truth, God help them, but now I don't at all feel guilty when I hear her cry, because I know she's in it on her own volition, she shouts a LOT and makes his life as miserable as he's made hers.
The surging tide
I loved you to no limits, I deified you. I poured myself like wine into your crystal chalice. I squeezed every cell and extracted my blood wine to the last drop, offering my spirit to you. It was just two of us, drunk on our love, the sun rays sparkling rainbow colours on your crystal... I moulded myself to fit every shape of you, I poured myself into your form...
But soon I noticed a cold, a freeze, the sun shone no longer, I started shivering in the winter... Cracks in the crystal, I helplessly leaked out of your embrace, you let me leak away...
The torrential flood as I dispersed out of our life, swept away all that was us, and gave birth to a new me....
Every time I look at you, you with your fake smile, there is an emptiness between us, there is a void, that we try to fill up with talk about this & that...
But I haven't forgotten, I am the flood, the deluge, I am the frozen ice, only the hardiest of life can survive in me, with me...
Time and tide wait for none, I am the tide now, and I wont wait for you.... Not any longer, no more...
Now I fit and mould myself into crevices at my will.. If I don't fit, I will sweep them away, destroy them, recreate them at my will....
I am the same old me actually, but my energy is awakened, you brought out the best in me, but I didn't let you kill it after you tasted enough of me....
Sometimes I think you almost want to love me again, but you love yourself too much, and fear my deluge.... As for me, I have forgotten what it was to be measured & tread carefully, now I am the flood, too busy in myself, I don't have the patience to tread carefully on your crystal, I will surely smash you into fine sand and scatter you all along the banks... And that my darling, is what you fear.
But soon I noticed a cold, a freeze, the sun shone no longer, I started shivering in the winter... Cracks in the crystal, I helplessly leaked out of your embrace, you let me leak away...
The torrential flood as I dispersed out of our life, swept away all that was us, and gave birth to a new me....
Every time I look at you, you with your fake smile, there is an emptiness between us, there is a void, that we try to fill up with talk about this & that...
But I haven't forgotten, I am the flood, the deluge, I am the frozen ice, only the hardiest of life can survive in me, with me...
Time and tide wait for none, I am the tide now, and I wont wait for you.... Not any longer, no more...
Now I fit and mould myself into crevices at my will.. If I don't fit, I will sweep them away, destroy them, recreate them at my will....
I am the same old me actually, but my energy is awakened, you brought out the best in me, but I didn't let you kill it after you tasted enough of me....
Sometimes I think you almost want to love me again, but you love yourself too much, and fear my deluge.... As for me, I have forgotten what it was to be measured & tread carefully, now I am the flood, too busy in myself, I don't have the patience to tread carefully on your crystal, I will surely smash you into fine sand and scatter you all along the banks... And that my darling, is what you fear.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The excuse of PMS & women
It has become a big fad amongst some girls, they just come to know about the condition called "Pre-menstrual syndrome" (PMS). God only knows how many of them sincerely suffer from it, but they all claim to!
They look perfectly normal in every way, but they say they suffer mental confusion/sadness/tension/outbursts etc. Often, it seems a golden excuse to justify their erratic behavior and push the blame onto something else!
I wonder, did they go to a doctor and get their hormones/psychology checked? Do they really have PMS? If they sincerely feel they have it, shouldn't they seek a doctor, some kind of therapy or try to control it? Is it a justifiable excuse to act irresponsible, say irresponsible things, and then say sorry with a sheepish grin, "Sorry, I actually have PMS, I shout at all my loved ones around me"... Did somebody with authority on this matter diagnose you as having PMS & confer on you, the right to abuse everyone around you?
50% of the human population is women, are all women mad with PMS for most of their life?
And since when did it become so fashionable to shout/feel jealous/misbehave/act unreasonable, and blame it all on PMS with a grin once the temper subsides?
No sister, you just suffer from the ordinary human thing called "temper", please dont feel too proud about it clubbing it into this "PMS" thing, we all have it, and let's behave with dignity.
In the sad case of you really suffering from PMS, no fear, lets go to a doctor and find out how severe it is, we'll get through it... Remember, half the world is full of women, it is not like we can't achieve our goals, we are no less than anybody, we're not suffering from some weird condition, there must be so many out there like us, let's seek some counseling & solace!
But if it is just all about finding an excuse to shout, sorry sister, go shout at someone else, because if you have PMS, so do I! ;-)
They look perfectly normal in every way, but they say they suffer mental confusion/sadness/tension/outbursts etc. Often, it seems a golden excuse to justify their erratic behavior and push the blame onto something else!
I wonder, did they go to a doctor and get their hormones/psychology checked? Do they really have PMS? If they sincerely feel they have it, shouldn't they seek a doctor, some kind of therapy or try to control it? Is it a justifiable excuse to act irresponsible, say irresponsible things, and then say sorry with a sheepish grin, "Sorry, I actually have PMS, I shout at all my loved ones around me"... Did somebody with authority on this matter diagnose you as having PMS & confer on you, the right to abuse everyone around you?
50% of the human population is women, are all women mad with PMS for most of their life?
And since when did it become so fashionable to shout/feel jealous/misbehave/act unreasonable, and blame it all on PMS with a grin once the temper subsides?
No sister, you just suffer from the ordinary human thing called "temper", please dont feel too proud about it clubbing it into this "PMS" thing, we all have it, and let's behave with dignity.
In the sad case of you really suffering from PMS, no fear, lets go to a doctor and find out how severe it is, we'll get through it... Remember, half the world is full of women, it is not like we can't achieve our goals, we are no less than anybody, we're not suffering from some weird condition, there must be so many out there like us, let's seek some counseling & solace!
But if it is just all about finding an excuse to shout, sorry sister, go shout at someone else, because if you have PMS, so do I! ;-)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Omens, Signs from the universe
I remembered a story from my childhood last night. I was unable to sleep, I remembered my english textbook from Prep class, 1990, 20 years ago... About a dog in Japan, which faithfully waited for its master everyday at the railway station, for 10 years, until it died. It used to see its master off every morning and meet him in the evening at the railway station. He was a professor, he didnt come home one day, he'd died of a heart attack. The town people noticed the dog waiting for him, they erected a statue at the railway station in its memory after it died.
That's all I remember about this story.
I know it was a true incident, I was wondering if I can find it online through the world of googling on the internet... But I didnt have sufficient details to search... I thought I might as well try...
But for some reason, today, I started reading an article about Hellen Keller on wikipedia...
and guess what, I read the following lines:
"
When Keller visited Akita Prefecture in Japan in July 1937, she inquired about Hachikō, the famed Akita dog that had died in 1935. She told a Japanese person that she would like to have an Akita dog; one was given to her within a month, with the name of Kamikaze-go. When he died of canine distemper, his older brother, Kenzan-go, was presented to her as an official gift from the Japanese government in July 1938. Keller is credited with having introduced the Akita to the United States through these two dogs.
By 1939 a breed standard had been established and dog shows had been held, but such activities stopped after World War II began. Keller wrote in the Akita Journal:
“ If ever there was an angel in fur, it was Kamikaze. I know I shall never feel quite the same tenderness for any other pet. The Akita dog has all the qualities that appeal to me — he is gentle, companionable and trusty."
I was really shocked, I just had this big big hunch that this is the dog I was thinking of last night, 20 years after having read about it in my textbook... Thanks to Wikipedia, I just clicked on the hyperlink, and reached the article "Hachiko".
So "Hachiko" is the name of the dog, he was of the Akita breed, his owner was Professor Hidesaburo Ueno, he worked at the Department of Agriculture, University of Tokyo, he died of a stroke, the dog lived from Nov 10 1923 - March 8 1935.
The power of my childhood memory, I remembered all the details right, I just forgot the names of the dog/owner/province/breed/dates. But the main story made a huge impact on my head, or heart...
Why am I blogging on this, several times in life, I have felt, I think of something, and it materializes in my real life, it crops up out of nowhere even after several years...
These kind of small incidents make me feel that the energy that is out there in the universe, is somehow connected to the energy that is inside me, that's how it knows what I thought of, and linked me to it! Not just once, several times. I thought, let me at least blog once! ;-)
Thanks God for saying hi to me in these small ways! :-)
My friend always told me, that whatever I say seems to happen! It is not that I can prophecy or influence the world, it is not like I can consciously say things which will materialize because of my having said them...
It is simply that sometimes something is supposed to anyway happen in the future, and I end up saying it spontaneously. Or my heart tells me that it is wrong, it will do no good, and that's what happens.
There was once we walked into a shop that sold souvenirs, knick-knacks, all kinds of 'showcase' stuff at cheap prices, 5 for $10, 7 for $10 etc. We bought something at 4 for $10 and stepped out. For some reason, I said, "Don't tell me we'll find it even cheaper in the next store". And wow, seriously, we entered another store and found it even cheaper! So went back to the earlier seller, had a brief argument with him and got a refund. And of course, my husband lectured to me on how I should control my tongue, he said all this happened only because I said it! :-P
The other day, I was searching for a long lost friend on google, and what a coincidence, when I signed into facebook, I noticed that one of my friends is now friends with a new user who had the same first name but a different last name! Turns out that the friend whom I was trying to locate got married and changed her name, but God made me bump right into her! :-O Sometimes I myself get shocked at how these things happen!
There is another thing I noticed, if somebody really troubles me or fights with me for no fault of mine, or wishes me ill, they get into a lot of trouble in life! It is not my doing, it is like God punishing them!
There was a time I was in a bus going from Bangalore to Tirupati. Two good-for-nothing loafer guys were sitting behind me. They started eve-teasing me, whispering things into my ears, one of them tried to slip his fingers into my seat from behind! I was appalled at how dirty people can be. My eyes welled up with tears. When we were passing through the forests of Karnataka, the loafers kept whispering that Veerappan might catch me!!
There was some lorry drivers strike going on, so some rioters/strikers wielding sticks stopped our bus to check it, to make sure that it wasn't transporting any goods. I really panicked looking at their sticks, I was in the first seat, some of them were staring at me and laughing at my fear, thank God they didn't get any perverse ideas. Meanwhile, the loafers sitting behind me started laughing too, whispering, "O am scared"...
I felt so broken, I just told myself, "If Draupadi's honour couldn't be cared for by five husbands in Dvaparayuga, how can I expect my dignity not to be hurt when I am a lonely woman in Kaliyuga"....
What happened in the next ten minutes was literally a miracle...
The loafers shut up for some reason... One of the guys started complaining of a severe stomachache, he said he needed the loo... but he was stuck on a bus in the forest... Finally his friend begged the conductor to stop in the forest.. The conductor refused (because of his earlier experience with the lorry drivers), the guy tried his best to control himself, soon he started weeping tears like a baby! Finally the conductor relented, and the guy went into the bushes after begging one of the passengers for a bottle of water to wash himself with.... He was thoroughly embarrassed with his condition, both of them shut up, all the passengers were irritated at the delay they caused.
I won't say life is easy, but I thank God that wherever my self-respect has been hurt, God has made those who wished me ill to repent and removed them out of my way. I believe in "Live and let live", but if some rowdy gangster kind of person doesn't let you live, you can only pray to God to solve the tangle.
Other problems of life, I can manage on my own, after all life is a struggle. But there are situations where I have really prayed for divine intervention and got it.
That's all I remember about this story.
I know it was a true incident, I was wondering if I can find it online through the world of googling on the internet... But I didnt have sufficient details to search... I thought I might as well try...
But for some reason, today, I started reading an article about Hellen Keller on wikipedia...
and guess what, I read the following lines:
"
When Keller visited Akita Prefecture in Japan in July 1937, she inquired about Hachikō, the famed Akita dog that had died in 1935. She told a Japanese person that she would like to have an Akita dog; one was given to her within a month, with the name of Kamikaze-go. When he died of canine distemper, his older brother, Kenzan-go, was presented to her as an official gift from the Japanese government in July 1938. Keller is credited with having introduced the Akita to the United States through these two dogs.
By 1939 a breed standard had been established and dog shows had been held, but such activities stopped after World War II began. Keller wrote in the Akita Journal:
“ If ever there was an angel in fur, it was Kamikaze. I know I shall never feel quite the same tenderness for any other pet. The Akita dog has all the qualities that appeal to me — he is gentle, companionable and trusty."
I was really shocked, I just had this big big hunch that this is the dog I was thinking of last night, 20 years after having read about it in my textbook... Thanks to Wikipedia, I just clicked on the hyperlink, and reached the article "Hachiko".
So "Hachiko" is the name of the dog, he was of the Akita breed, his owner was Professor Hidesaburo Ueno, he worked at the Department of Agriculture, University of Tokyo, he died of a stroke, the dog lived from Nov 10 1923 - March 8 1935.
The power of my childhood memory, I remembered all the details right, I just forgot the names of the dog/owner/province/breed/dates. But the main story made a huge impact on my head, or heart...
Why am I blogging on this, several times in life, I have felt, I think of something, and it materializes in my real life, it crops up out of nowhere even after several years...
These kind of small incidents make me feel that the energy that is out there in the universe, is somehow connected to the energy that is inside me, that's how it knows what I thought of, and linked me to it! Not just once, several times. I thought, let me at least blog once! ;-)
Thanks God for saying hi to me in these small ways! :-)
My friend always told me, that whatever I say seems to happen! It is not that I can prophecy or influence the world, it is not like I can consciously say things which will materialize because of my having said them...
It is simply that sometimes something is supposed to anyway happen in the future, and I end up saying it spontaneously. Or my heart tells me that it is wrong, it will do no good, and that's what happens.
There was once we walked into a shop that sold souvenirs, knick-knacks, all kinds of 'showcase' stuff at cheap prices, 5 for $10, 7 for $10 etc. We bought something at 4 for $10 and stepped out. For some reason, I said, "Don't tell me we'll find it even cheaper in the next store". And wow, seriously, we entered another store and found it even cheaper! So went back to the earlier seller, had a brief argument with him and got a refund. And of course, my husband lectured to me on how I should control my tongue, he said all this happened only because I said it! :-P
The other day, I was searching for a long lost friend on google, and what a coincidence, when I signed into facebook, I noticed that one of my friends is now friends with a new user who had the same first name but a different last name! Turns out that the friend whom I was trying to locate got married and changed her name, but God made me bump right into her! :-O Sometimes I myself get shocked at how these things happen!
There is another thing I noticed, if somebody really troubles me or fights with me for no fault of mine, or wishes me ill, they get into a lot of trouble in life! It is not my doing, it is like God punishing them!
There was a time I was in a bus going from Bangalore to Tirupati. Two good-for-nothing loafer guys were sitting behind me. They started eve-teasing me, whispering things into my ears, one of them tried to slip his fingers into my seat from behind! I was appalled at how dirty people can be. My eyes welled up with tears. When we were passing through the forests of Karnataka, the loafers kept whispering that Veerappan might catch me!!
There was some lorry drivers strike going on, so some rioters/strikers wielding sticks stopped our bus to check it, to make sure that it wasn't transporting any goods. I really panicked looking at their sticks, I was in the first seat, some of them were staring at me and laughing at my fear, thank God they didn't get any perverse ideas. Meanwhile, the loafers sitting behind me started laughing too, whispering, "O am scared"...
I felt so broken, I just told myself, "If Draupadi's honour couldn't be cared for by five husbands in Dvaparayuga, how can I expect my dignity not to be hurt when I am a lonely woman in Kaliyuga"....
What happened in the next ten minutes was literally a miracle...
The loafers shut up for some reason... One of the guys started complaining of a severe stomachache, he said he needed the loo... but he was stuck on a bus in the forest... Finally his friend begged the conductor to stop in the forest.. The conductor refused (because of his earlier experience with the lorry drivers), the guy tried his best to control himself, soon he started weeping tears like a baby! Finally the conductor relented, and the guy went into the bushes after begging one of the passengers for a bottle of water to wash himself with.... He was thoroughly embarrassed with his condition, both of them shut up, all the passengers were irritated at the delay they caused.
I won't say life is easy, but I thank God that wherever my self-respect has been hurt, God has made those who wished me ill to repent and removed them out of my way. I believe in "Live and let live", but if some rowdy gangster kind of person doesn't let you live, you can only pray to God to solve the tangle.
Other problems of life, I can manage on my own, after all life is a struggle. But there are situations where I have really prayed for divine intervention and got it.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Reward for being good
Something that our teachers at school got wrong... They taught us through simple stories, that being good gets us greater rewards in long term, and that being bad makes us face punishment.
I do not think the above rule applies in Kali kaalam.
It applies in a very very very very very long term way, in the sense of afterlife, karma, moksha etc.
But it doesnt always apply in this life, not in material ways at least.
From what I notice, good karma is hard to follow. The more you follow that path, the more you sacrifice and suffer. It's like God setting more difficult tests with every level that we progress.
Some people misbehave, they behave pushy, rude, unethical, they achieve all material things. Whereas the one who follows good karma, always suffers from rules, rules, more rules, more sacrifice to accommodate the pushy/unreasonable candidate.
Maryaada purushottam Rama suffered a lot, so did His pativrata wife Sita. So by following good karma, they were "praised" by people, loved by their parents, but still, they were made to adjust to keep their father's word (this is another topic that I want to blog on one of these days, where does this kind of parent-child relation fit in modern life?). Yes they are immortalized today and worshipped, so they got a lot of reward in after-life.
My husband disagrees with my views, he says that good karma should be followed only because we choose to follow it, not because we expect any reward, hence, there is no reason to be disappointed on facing hardships, because that is the way of good karma. I agree with him, I am not looking for some materialistic reward. But it disappoints me in life when I see that the one who sacrifices doesn't get attention, that is the only reward I look for.
I wonder, if the shepherd has so much time for the lame lamb, and lets the healthy lamb go off on its own, perhaps I too want to be a lame lamb once in a while so that the shepherd will love (shower attention on) me? ;-)
Why is the healthy "good" lamb not worthy of love, why should it keep on sacrificing continually for the errant lame lamb, and why does the shepherd continue to expect further sacrifice from the healthy one? Is it not okay for the shepherd to one day cuddle the healthy lamb and say, "Hey nice lamb, I love you so much, thank you so much for being nice, you're my strength & hope, the future of my flock."? Perhaps the healthy lamb too craves for love & attention?
This is the paradox of religion.
On one side, when catering to the "righteous" side of us, we motivate ourselves by telling ourselves that we will gain heaven, and that the errant ones will be boiled in hot oil ;-)
But on the other side, while catering to the "wrong" side of us, we motivate ourselves by saying that all sins are forgiven in the kingdom of God, He loves the sick more than the healthy, for it is the sick who need Him more! :-O
I have realized that there is really no correlation between good deeds/repentance & rewards, nor bad deeds/guilt & punishment. The world goes on, on its own terms, we can't fully comprehend the cycles of give & take that karma follows. I am certain that there is an account for everything, that we balance it and give ourselves rewards/tests/tension tasks depending on self-evaluation.
But it is not that being good gets us a reward, nor that being bad gets us punishment. It is not so direct, it is much more complex, sometimes beyond understanding, sometimes comprehensible in retrospect. We have to live on with "hope".
It is very interesting how differently western and asian religions perceive this paradox. Modern greco-roman influenced christianity confuses me. It talks of weak lambs, of how we are all sinners, and we can find place in God's kingdom if we repent. It seems to focus more on the inherent sinning nature of mankind, that all of us are potential sinners. I dont know how its parent religion of Judaism sees it. I also dont know islamic interpretations on the inherent nature of mankind.
But in asian religions (like hinduism, buddhism, jainism, sikhism), mankind is created by God, with intellect & heart capable to show godliness on earth, we are to be proud of our achievements and want to achieve more, our heart is a mirror image of God, sin is just a sickness which clouds our inherent wisdom, it should be wiped off with good deeds/meditation etc, to reveal the good heart underneath.
In my life, I have seen people who erred, who confessed & tried to reform, but put themselves & others in more mess. I have seen people who erred silently & stay in self-denial, I have seen people with dark secrets who begin life afresh (almost like Valmiki shed his old habits & became a yogi)& bring joy to others. After all this, I am trying to reinterpret the meaning of "lies", "lying", "truth", "being good", "white lies", "God watching over us", "karma", etc.
After all,
सच एक अँधा कुंवा है
I wish I could speak to Judas Escariot, to tell me his version of the "truth", his version of the "white lie", what if he is not actually a betrayer & sinner, but an obedient servant of God, who acted with Jesus' full knowledge and consent in "betraying" his master to the authorities. Or even if he did really betray on his own volition, why is mankind not beatifying him since he helped realize a biblical prophecy, and did what God wanted... In this case, is Judas to be a sinner traitor, or is he a good obedient servant of God?
One point is universal though, the one who lives straight & frank, lives with an unburdened heart. It is very important to at least be able to respect & answer ourselves. It doesnt matter as much if the world doesnt know the truth, at least we & God should know what we have been upto!
p.s.:
Credits- I borrowed the line "Good karma is hard to follow" from my patidev :-)
I do not think the above rule applies in Kali kaalam.
It applies in a very very very very very long term way, in the sense of afterlife, karma, moksha etc.
But it doesnt always apply in this life, not in material ways at least.
From what I notice, good karma is hard to follow. The more you follow that path, the more you sacrifice and suffer. It's like God setting more difficult tests with every level that we progress.
Some people misbehave, they behave pushy, rude, unethical, they achieve all material things. Whereas the one who follows good karma, always suffers from rules, rules, more rules, more sacrifice to accommodate the pushy/unreasonable candidate.
Maryaada purushottam Rama suffered a lot, so did His pativrata wife Sita. So by following good karma, they were "praised" by people, loved by their parents, but still, they were made to adjust to keep their father's word (this is another topic that I want to blog on one of these days, where does this kind of parent-child relation fit in modern life?). Yes they are immortalized today and worshipped, so they got a lot of reward in after-life.
My husband disagrees with my views, he says that good karma should be followed only because we choose to follow it, not because we expect any reward, hence, there is no reason to be disappointed on facing hardships, because that is the way of good karma. I agree with him, I am not looking for some materialistic reward. But it disappoints me in life when I see that the one who sacrifices doesn't get attention, that is the only reward I look for.
I wonder, if the shepherd has so much time for the lame lamb, and lets the healthy lamb go off on its own, perhaps I too want to be a lame lamb once in a while so that the shepherd will love (shower attention on) me? ;-)
Why is the healthy "good" lamb not worthy of love, why should it keep on sacrificing continually for the errant lame lamb, and why does the shepherd continue to expect further sacrifice from the healthy one? Is it not okay for the shepherd to one day cuddle the healthy lamb and say, "Hey nice lamb, I love you so much, thank you so much for being nice, you're my strength & hope, the future of my flock."? Perhaps the healthy lamb too craves for love & attention?
This is the paradox of religion.
On one side, when catering to the "righteous" side of us, we motivate ourselves by telling ourselves that we will gain heaven, and that the errant ones will be boiled in hot oil ;-)
But on the other side, while catering to the "wrong" side of us, we motivate ourselves by saying that all sins are forgiven in the kingdom of God, He loves the sick more than the healthy, for it is the sick who need Him more! :-O
I have realized that there is really no correlation between good deeds/repentance & rewards, nor bad deeds/guilt & punishment. The world goes on, on its own terms, we can't fully comprehend the cycles of give & take that karma follows. I am certain that there is an account for everything, that we balance it and give ourselves rewards/tests/tension tasks depending on self-evaluation.
But it is not that being good gets us a reward, nor that being bad gets us punishment. It is not so direct, it is much more complex, sometimes beyond understanding, sometimes comprehensible in retrospect. We have to live on with "hope".
It is very interesting how differently western and asian religions perceive this paradox. Modern greco-roman influenced christianity confuses me. It talks of weak lambs, of how we are all sinners, and we can find place in God's kingdom if we repent. It seems to focus more on the inherent sinning nature of mankind, that all of us are potential sinners. I dont know how its parent religion of Judaism sees it. I also dont know islamic interpretations on the inherent nature of mankind.
But in asian religions (like hinduism, buddhism, jainism, sikhism), mankind is created by God, with intellect & heart capable to show godliness on earth, we are to be proud of our achievements and want to achieve more, our heart is a mirror image of God, sin is just a sickness which clouds our inherent wisdom, it should be wiped off with good deeds/meditation etc, to reveal the good heart underneath.
In my life, I have seen people who erred, who confessed & tried to reform, but put themselves & others in more mess. I have seen people who erred silently & stay in self-denial, I have seen people with dark secrets who begin life afresh (almost like Valmiki shed his old habits & became a yogi)& bring joy to others. After all this, I am trying to reinterpret the meaning of "lies", "lying", "truth", "being good", "white lies", "God watching over us", "karma", etc.
After all,
सच एक अँधा कुंवा है
I wish I could speak to Judas Escariot, to tell me his version of the "truth", his version of the "white lie", what if he is not actually a betrayer & sinner, but an obedient servant of God, who acted with Jesus' full knowledge and consent in "betraying" his master to the authorities. Or even if he did really betray on his own volition, why is mankind not beatifying him since he helped realize a biblical prophecy, and did what God wanted... In this case, is Judas to be a sinner traitor, or is he a good obedient servant of God?
One point is universal though, the one who lives straight & frank, lives with an unburdened heart. It is very important to at least be able to respect & answer ourselves. It doesnt matter as much if the world doesnt know the truth, at least we & God should know what we have been upto!
p.s.:
Credits- I borrowed the line "Good karma is hard to follow" from my patidev :-)
Monday, January 4, 2010
"Inshallah"
This is my favourite word regarding life/spirituality/humility.
I wonder, what is the equivalent in Sanskrit, I am very sure there must be one in the Vedas/Upanishads.
I really like it, it is so full of humility, it reminds me of 'offering the phal of karma to God'!
I remember the shlokam from Bhagavad Gita:
Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana,
Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurmatey Sangostva Akarmani
"You have a right to perform your prescribed action,but you are not entitled to the fruits of your action.
Never consider yourself the cause of the results your activities,and never be associated to not doing your duty."
The first line is about humility. Lazy/ignorant people stay happy with the first line and adopt a fatalistic view of life. The first concept is incomplete without the second concept that follows in the second line, "Never be associated to not doing your duty".
It is in this spirit that I love the word "Inshallah".
Inshallah, I will find it's Sanskrit counterpart ;-)
My thoughts have diverted into another sphere, something I remember reading on wikipedia, Dara Shikoh speculated on the Kitaab al Maknun being none other than the Upanishads, he translated the Upanishads into Urdu as "Sirr-E-Akbar", (The Greatest Mystery) and was dethroned & beheaded by the bigot Aurangzeb. Wonder why the insha of allah was there on that event...
I guess all wrong things happen in Kali kaalam, that too Inshallah... Since God says in Bhagavad Gita that not a blade of grass can move without His will..
I wonder, what is the equivalent in Sanskrit, I am very sure there must be one in the Vedas/Upanishads.
I really like it, it is so full of humility, it reminds me of 'offering the phal of karma to God'!
I remember the shlokam from Bhagavad Gita:
Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana,
Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurmatey Sangostva Akarmani
"You have a right to perform your prescribed action,but you are not entitled to the fruits of your action.
Never consider yourself the cause of the results your activities,and never be associated to not doing your duty."
The first line is about humility. Lazy/ignorant people stay happy with the first line and adopt a fatalistic view of life. The first concept is incomplete without the second concept that follows in the second line, "Never be associated to not doing your duty".
It is in this spirit that I love the word "Inshallah".
Inshallah, I will find it's Sanskrit counterpart ;-)
My thoughts have diverted into another sphere, something I remember reading on wikipedia, Dara Shikoh speculated on the Kitaab al Maknun being none other than the Upanishads, he translated the Upanishads into Urdu as "Sirr-E-Akbar", (The Greatest Mystery) and was dethroned & beheaded by the bigot Aurangzeb. Wonder why the insha of allah was there on that event...
I guess all wrong things happen in Kali kaalam, that too Inshallah... Since God says in Bhagavad Gita that not a blade of grass can move without His will..
On Self-Respect and Ego
My first school prayer had a line, "दूसरों की जय से पहले ख़ुद को जय करें".
I never understood it fully back then, since it has multiple layers of meanings, but I kept recollecting it every now and then as I grew up...
One layer of meaning that I learnt is, "May we respect ourselves before we respect others. i.e.; Respect yourself, and the world will respect you."
There is a very thin line between "आत्म सम्मान " and "अहम्कार". The first is "Self-respect". The second is "Ego".
If I don't think that I deserve respect, if I compromise in life, then those whom I compromise for can't be expected to respect me later, for I dont respect myself, I feel myself worthy of nothing better than compromise. They may feel some kind of pity/compassion for me, but not respect.
However, on the other extreme, if I refuse to adjust in life, then that is not the pursuit of self-respect, it is the pursuit of "Ego".
This is where the thin line lies. To what extent is it okay to adjust, when does the adjustment become a compromise?
I think it is okay to adjust as long as it takes away somebody else's pain, as long as I am not a 'scapegoat' adjusting for somebody's pleasure, as long as it takes us all out of a sorry situation. This increases my self-respect.
However, if I have to "compromise", if I have to adjust to such an extent that it causes me hurt/pain, it inconveniences me, just so that it causes some lazy/immoral/callous person pleasure/ease, I am not ready to do that. Because if I compromise today, I am losing self-respect, I cant expect anybody to respect me on that issue.
This is a learning for life, trying to give up one's ego without giving up self-respect, and trying to preserve one's self-respect without egoistically hurting loved ones.
In fact, in a lot of instances in life, self-respect is inversely proportional to ego! The more one chases ego, the more we lose our self-respect. The more we scatter our self-respect, the more the ego rises because of bottled-up frustrations.
Because I am a girl, I also noticed, somewhere along the line in history, SOME interpretors of our scriptures have confused women. A woman is told that she'll be one great pativrata worthy of heaven if she adjusts so much in life, if she gives up her ego. I agree with that. But it is only half the story. I wish to add, yes woman, please adjust a lot, please try to be a Sita, but do it only for a Ram, and dont give up self-respect in the bid to give up ego! Don't compromise for Ravan. And dont be under the wrong impression that somebody worthy of your love/respect will actually demand a sacrifice of self-respect. Get into it with the full knowledge that the chain will continue if you give in once :-|
I don't agree with women who stand on the other extreme: The feminists, who hate everything to do with man, who pretend like all problems in society are all because of men (that is again low self-respect and high ego), who fight for all kinds of rights & wish to make men suffer.
There is a delicate balance between the two, the line where self-respect is balanced with ego, and that is what I am trying to understand, God willing.
I never understood it fully back then, since it has multiple layers of meanings, but I kept recollecting it every now and then as I grew up...
One layer of meaning that I learnt is, "May we respect ourselves before we respect others. i.e.; Respect yourself, and the world will respect you."
There is a very thin line between "आत्म सम्मान " and "अहम्कार". The first is "Self-respect". The second is "Ego".
If I don't think that I deserve respect, if I compromise in life, then those whom I compromise for can't be expected to respect me later, for I dont respect myself, I feel myself worthy of nothing better than compromise. They may feel some kind of pity/compassion for me, but not respect.
However, on the other extreme, if I refuse to adjust in life, then that is not the pursuit of self-respect, it is the pursuit of "Ego".
This is where the thin line lies. To what extent is it okay to adjust, when does the adjustment become a compromise?
I think it is okay to adjust as long as it takes away somebody else's pain, as long as I am not a 'scapegoat' adjusting for somebody's pleasure, as long as it takes us all out of a sorry situation. This increases my self-respect.
However, if I have to "compromise", if I have to adjust to such an extent that it causes me hurt/pain, it inconveniences me, just so that it causes some lazy/immoral/callous person pleasure/ease, I am not ready to do that. Because if I compromise today, I am losing self-respect, I cant expect anybody to respect me on that issue.
This is a learning for life, trying to give up one's ego without giving up self-respect, and trying to preserve one's self-respect without egoistically hurting loved ones.
In fact, in a lot of instances in life, self-respect is inversely proportional to ego! The more one chases ego, the more we lose our self-respect. The more we scatter our self-respect, the more the ego rises because of bottled-up frustrations.
Because I am a girl, I also noticed, somewhere along the line in history, SOME interpretors of our scriptures have confused women. A woman is told that she'll be one great pativrata worthy of heaven if she adjusts so much in life, if she gives up her ego. I agree with that. But it is only half the story. I wish to add, yes woman, please adjust a lot, please try to be a Sita, but do it only for a Ram, and dont give up self-respect in the bid to give up ego! Don't compromise for Ravan. And dont be under the wrong impression that somebody worthy of your love/respect will actually demand a sacrifice of self-respect. Get into it with the full knowledge that the chain will continue if you give in once :-|
I don't agree with women who stand on the other extreme: The feminists, who hate everything to do with man, who pretend like all problems in society are all because of men (that is again low self-respect and high ego), who fight for all kinds of rights & wish to make men suffer.
There is a delicate balance between the two, the line where self-respect is balanced with ego, and that is what I am trying to understand, God willing.
Welcome 2010
My first post for the new year!
May God bless us in this new year with lots of happiness, health, wealth and prosperity! Most importantly, clarity in thought, a clean heart, dignity, peace, justice and equality.
I have lots of hopes and aspirations for this year ahead, thank You God for the year gone by, and thank You for this new one!
There wasn't much we did for new year, we just stayed at home, enjoyed the time off!
I had lots of fun in December 09. Our first wedding anniversary was memorable, it was snowing heavily, God showering jasmines from the sky according to Manju pinni ;-) Thank You God for showering jasmines from the sky on our wedding anniversary ;-)
We spent the next long weekend at Sudhakar babai Manju pinni's place. Being far away from mom & dad, meeting Sudhakar babai & Manju pinni reminded me of my parents.. Sudhakar uncle's jovial nature, he was bursting into song every now & then, & telling us stories from his childhood, that really reminded me of dad!
I can't describe Krishna's gastronomic indulgences in Andhra food, the topic is worth its own article, thanks to the very thoughtful Manju pinni, she served him his favourite stuff every single day! :-) Seriously, nobody thinks so much other than a mother does about her children. I met some wonderful people there, really enjoyed, felt like we had gone home & returned to NYC. I met the very cute little Sarayu, she is like a birdie! ;-)
That is how 2009 ended, on a very happy note!
I have started running on 2010 with a new pair of Nike running shoes ;-) Hope I run well, and God grant me the स्थिर बुद्धि to complete all my tasks.
समस्त जगत को Gregorian New Year २०१० के अवसर पर नूतन वर्ष अभिनन्दन!
May God bless us in this new year with lots of happiness, health, wealth and prosperity! Most importantly, clarity in thought, a clean heart, dignity, peace, justice and equality.
I have lots of hopes and aspirations for this year ahead, thank You God for the year gone by, and thank You for this new one!
There wasn't much we did for new year, we just stayed at home, enjoyed the time off!
I had lots of fun in December 09. Our first wedding anniversary was memorable, it was snowing heavily, God showering jasmines from the sky according to Manju pinni ;-) Thank You God for showering jasmines from the sky on our wedding anniversary ;-)
We spent the next long weekend at Sudhakar babai Manju pinni's place. Being far away from mom & dad, meeting Sudhakar babai & Manju pinni reminded me of my parents.. Sudhakar uncle's jovial nature, he was bursting into song every now & then, & telling us stories from his childhood, that really reminded me of dad!
I can't describe Krishna's gastronomic indulgences in Andhra food, the topic is worth its own article, thanks to the very thoughtful Manju pinni, she served him his favourite stuff every single day! :-) Seriously, nobody thinks so much other than a mother does about her children. I met some wonderful people there, really enjoyed, felt like we had gone home & returned to NYC. I met the very cute little Sarayu, she is like a birdie! ;-)
That is how 2009 ended, on a very happy note!
I have started running on 2010 with a new pair of Nike running shoes ;-) Hope I run well, and God grant me the स्थिर बुद्धि to complete all my tasks.
समस्त जगत को Gregorian New Year २०१० के अवसर पर नूतन वर्ष अभिनन्दन!
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