Life is full of ups and downs... My last post expressed my happiness and excitement at mommy pappa's arrival, I was waiting that day for them to come home...
Today, I am in the dumps, I am so sad, so depressed, crying like a baby...
I didn't access the internet in the last two weeks because my life was filled with my loved ones, I was busy... But now that they are gone, I am struggling to adjust myself, to tune myself into the mode of lonely life, nobody to talk to, nobody to meet, just me sitting in this apartment, waiting for husband to come home every evening. Of course there is self study, but right now, I am so depressed that I can't even muster the energy to focus on books...
I miss the love of mommy... Mommy just woke up every morning and cooked for all of us, I haven't lit the stove in two weeks. I used to make her tea, and wash dishes/clothes, and press her feet... massage her back... brush her hair... I miss doing all that...
I miss papa's continual questioning... He is 60 years this year, and he seems to look frail. Mom's hands are light to touch, she appears shorter, bone mass loss in post menopause phase...
See, that is the reason I am so depressed & crying, if my parents were in good health with a young cheerful heart, I would be happy just as long as I can talk to them on phone...
But when I know that mom's neck aches every single day, and dad's knees hurt, I want to be with them, I want to be able to watch over them..
And that's what is making me sooo sad... It's not even that I could do great things for them if I were near, but just small things like making tea, massaging her neck, just watching them in front of my eyes makes me feel good...
I envy most of my friends whose moms dont work and dads are retired, they come stay with their kids for months on end, mine could manage only two weeks... Also, most of my friends/cousins have moms who are much younger than their dads, so mom is there to look after dad.. Whereas my parents, both of them are nearing 60 together, I feel uff please don't become frail!
Nobody missed me on social networking these two weeks, because it is all unreal unproductive time-pass, which I indulge in out of loneliness...Getting back to it after two weeks, reminds me of how empty my life is, and makes me wonder why I am living in this fashion.
It would be much easier if I was in full-time employment or full-time college, you just move on...
Of course, I am very lucky, I should thank God, for giving me the opportunity to meet & spend time with parents, husband hasn't met his in over an year, he really wanted to have them over this year, but it didn't happen...
'Thought' is everything in life. I know that if I really want to, I can book a flight and go meet mom & dad again, at least I don't have leave constraints unlike poor husband...
Mom & I were recollecting a childhood prayer,
Thank You God for the food we eat,
Thank You God for the birds that fly,
Thank You God for everything.
Yes indeed, thank You very much God for giving me such wonderful parents, and I pray that You always bless us with your benevolence, keep my parents in good health, and take care of them like You always have. :-*
I found the right words to that poem on thanking God:
Thank You God for the world so sweet,
Thank You God for the food we eat,
Thank You God for the birds that sing,
Thank You God for everything.
Mommy papa I love you!!! I think I had the best childhood with mommy papa, and when I am with them, I feel like my childhood continues :-) In my mommy's eyes, I see the unconditional love, which is not present in adult life...
I know it's stupid to be depressed, how lucky I am to be in this world with such a mommy!! Over the years, mommy has become more of a friend, I don't need her in my physical life, but I realize every moment how much of psychological support she is. But now she's old, and she needs me in her physical life. But it's okay, God will make a way, and do the best for us, and bring all of us together again!
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