I don't know how I got around to watching this movie today. Wow, it really really touched my heart. I have fond memories of Lakdi ki kati, Anuradha mam used to sing it with us in Mont II G. But I have never watched the movie.
It was really thought provoking. It made me consider so many social issues, so many stands. The story is very well written, it shows the viewpoint of all the characters who suffer their own share of pain.
It made me think on abortion, it tore my heart watching a dejected lonely little boy, how insignificant & cheap he felt when he came to know of his father, it questioned the independence of a woman, the mutual trust & respect needed to found a solid marriage, parent-child bonds, the give & take of relations, some relations only have give, while some only have take, so many facets of society/relationships shown in one single movie, wow!
Shabana Azmi's character showed the love that a woman feels, how every woman wants to believe her husband as perfect, but life is not always so. She portrayed the feelings that a woman goes through, out of her mothering instincts. Women feel very territorial & possessive about their family. She wanted to shelter her children at all costs, she wanted things to be normal, the boy was a continuous reminder of her husband's faults, so she just couldn't stand him. I could really understand her feelings, any woman who watches will understand. When we know that our husband has let us down by not supporting us, we always continue to love him and push the blame onto the other person involved in the argument- the "Sautan", the mother-in-law, the sister-in-law, the father-in-law, the illegitimate child, whatever... The moment she came to know of her Sautan, her first reaction was, "what does she want from us now?". It is the belief that the husband is naïve, that he is being harassed/blackmailed. Isn't this what all women feel when their 'perfectly able adult' husband puts them into trouble?
Rahul's presence was like a needle pricking into her all the time. Yet, somewhere inside her heart, she pitied the boy, he didn't even know the backstory, he was just an innocent little boy craving for the love of parents. It broke my heart when he apologized to her upon finding out the truth, he felt so guilty of "existing", he wished he hadn't lived....
The movie also showed the soft side of womanhood. On the outside, every woman is an independent dreamer. But on her inside, she craves to be able to emotionally depend on a man, she wants to be able to let go with her eyes closed, she wants to be able to trust blindly.
That is the blind trust Shabana's character had, the trust which every married woman wants to be able to feel for her husband, and God, how her heart broke when she realized she'd been left out by her husband! There is a rage, there is a sense of having the mat pulled from under your feet, there is a sense of shame at self, the feeling of "how could I have been so stupid", there is the worry of "what will happen of my children", there is the hope (though in denial) of "how I wish everything could be okay"... Shabana finally realized that her so called "independent" friend returned to her husband & child when he called her back. One line summed it up, "a woman can stand up as a woman, but the mother inside her is very weak", she couldn't face abandoning her child.
Even for Rahul, he trusted DK 'uncle' blindly, how his heart broke when he realized he was an unwanted child.
Well, it is a lesson in relations for everybody, we can never go back in life and undo things, but it is a lesson in realizing how important family is. If we misbehave with our family, we can apologize, but we can't undo the pain & bad memories, the lack of support & deceit pricks for a lifetime.
Naseeruddin Shah's character was torn between wanting to appease his wife (because he did wrong to her, trying to set the wrong right by listening to her), yet his fatherly duties were nagging at him, he wanted to be able to love his son, he wanted to be able to give his son a better life.
Actually everybody acted too well, Urmila, the other little girl (I don't know her name), Jugal Hanraj (Rahul), Naseeruddin Shah, Shabana Azmi... O what a story... I actually wept for Shabana and the little boy.
I have a problem with "forgiveness". I believe in giving my best in a relation, and I believe that I deserve the best. I believe in total commitment. I find it very hard, almost impossible, to forgive a breach of trust, to forgive intentional harm, to forgive an instance when the husband lets somebody else come in their relation.
Hence, I felt weird that Naseeruddin Shah's character gets to do everything in life, the bastard cheated on his wife while she was pregnant with his first child!! What a shame... Yet, his wife didn't leave him and he got to keep his son. However, I still like the story, because it didn't have any hogwash of "making the woman feel guilty about motherhood, making the woman feel as though her duty is to stick by her husband, making the woman feel responsible for it all". For example, many shallow chauvinistic Hindi movie stories convey themes like it is the duty of a wife to forgive & adjust for her husband like a "pativrata" when he begs for forgiveness. That is not how this movie was, Shabana's character chose whatever she wanted to, out of consideration for the little boy, out of consideration for her own children. Another woman may have reacted in another way, it didn't demonize a woman's right to make her own decisions.
I guess why I really liked this movie is, it was very real, very close to real life. The problem and solution were all portrayed very close to real life. This is how real life is, two adults make a mistake, an unwanted unfortunate child is born. This is why I thought of the issue of abortion. Innocent children have to pay for the stupid irresponsible mistakes of adults. Every once in a while in life, I have asked my mom & dad how they felt when they came to know of my existence, how they felt when they saw me born, how they felt when I came into their life. Mom tells me so many stories, of how they taught didi to call me "little brother" (they already had a daughter, so they wanted a son next), how they prayed to God everyday because mom was sick while carrying me, how concerned they were of my safety because of all the medication she had to take, all the complications I had after birth. Watching this little boy's anguish, especially when he felt so ashamed of "existing", so unloved, I thought, o my God, how a child is suffering an adult's mistake. His father wished he didn't exist, his step mom hated his presence, he was after all an unwanted unplanned pregnancy. God, there is nothing worse than being unwanted by your own parents in this world. I can't imagine anything worse, right when you're a little clot of blood, if your parents hate your presence & wish you didn't exist, and wonder if they should get you aborted, or go ahead with it, but all the time regretting, it is so sad. They say a baby can feel everything inside a mother's womb since they share flesh & blood, I don't ever want to be inside my mommy feeling that she doesn't like me there.
Anyway, back to the movie, Naseeruddin & Supriya Pathak's characters made a mistake, which Rahul & Shabana suffer. That is how life is, somebody in your family makes a mistake, and you have to bear the burden of rectifying it, setting them right. Sometimes you have no choice, you become the "bali ka bakra" (like Shabana Azmi & Rahul), they just fall on your head with their mistake.
That's why I found this movie so real, there was no filmy melodrama, no filmy miracles, no filmy patching up, because life is real, life needs to be faced, every character has their own influence in life, there are different perspectives, responsibilities, duties, victims. And this movie successfully showed real living from all angles. A must watch for all.
It was really thought provoking. It made me consider so many social issues, so many stands. The story is very well written, it shows the viewpoint of all the characters who suffer their own share of pain.
It made me think on abortion, it tore my heart watching a dejected lonely little boy, how insignificant & cheap he felt when he came to know of his father, it questioned the independence of a woman, the mutual trust & respect needed to found a solid marriage, parent-child bonds, the give & take of relations, some relations only have give, while some only have take, so many facets of society/relationships shown in one single movie, wow!
Shabana Azmi's character showed the love that a woman feels, how every woman wants to believe her husband as perfect, but life is not always so. She portrayed the feelings that a woman goes through, out of her mothering instincts. Women feel very territorial & possessive about their family. She wanted to shelter her children at all costs, she wanted things to be normal, the boy was a continuous reminder of her husband's faults, so she just couldn't stand him. I could really understand her feelings, any woman who watches will understand. When we know that our husband has let us down by not supporting us, we always continue to love him and push the blame onto the other person involved in the argument- the "Sautan", the mother-in-law, the sister-in-law, the father-in-law, the illegitimate child, whatever... The moment she came to know of her Sautan, her first reaction was, "what does she want from us now?". It is the belief that the husband is naïve, that he is being harassed/blackmailed. Isn't this what all women feel when their 'perfectly able adult' husband puts them into trouble?
Rahul's presence was like a needle pricking into her all the time. Yet, somewhere inside her heart, she pitied the boy, he didn't even know the backstory, he was just an innocent little boy craving for the love of parents. It broke my heart when he apologized to her upon finding out the truth, he felt so guilty of "existing", he wished he hadn't lived....
The movie also showed the soft side of womanhood. On the outside, every woman is an independent dreamer. But on her inside, she craves to be able to emotionally depend on a man, she wants to be able to let go with her eyes closed, she wants to be able to trust blindly.
"Love is like giving someone full power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."We live our life with our eyes open. But at one stage in life, with someone special, we want to be able to close those eyes and feel with the heart. If things work out, we feel proud. If things don't, we feel foolish. Sometimes people close their eyes in youthful folly, other times it is just cruel misfortune.
That is the blind trust Shabana's character had, the trust which every married woman wants to be able to feel for her husband, and God, how her heart broke when she realized she'd been left out by her husband! There is a rage, there is a sense of having the mat pulled from under your feet, there is a sense of shame at self, the feeling of "how could I have been so stupid", there is the worry of "what will happen of my children", there is the hope (though in denial) of "how I wish everything could be okay"... Shabana finally realized that her so called "independent" friend returned to her husband & child when he called her back. One line summed it up, "a woman can stand up as a woman, but the mother inside her is very weak", she couldn't face abandoning her child.
Even for Rahul, he trusted DK 'uncle' blindly, how his heart broke when he realized he was an unwanted child.
Well, it is a lesson in relations for everybody, we can never go back in life and undo things, but it is a lesson in realizing how important family is. If we misbehave with our family, we can apologize, but we can't undo the pain & bad memories, the lack of support & deceit pricks for a lifetime.
Naseeruddin Shah's character was torn between wanting to appease his wife (because he did wrong to her, trying to set the wrong right by listening to her), yet his fatherly duties were nagging at him, he wanted to be able to love his son, he wanted to be able to give his son a better life.
Actually everybody acted too well, Urmila, the other little girl (I don't know her name), Jugal Hanraj (Rahul), Naseeruddin Shah, Shabana Azmi... O what a story... I actually wept for Shabana and the little boy.
I have a problem with "forgiveness". I believe in giving my best in a relation, and I believe that I deserve the best. I believe in total commitment. I find it very hard, almost impossible, to forgive a breach of trust, to forgive intentional harm, to forgive an instance when the husband lets somebody else come in their relation.
Hence, I felt weird that Naseeruddin Shah's character gets to do everything in life, the bastard cheated on his wife while she was pregnant with his first child!! What a shame... Yet, his wife didn't leave him and he got to keep his son. However, I still like the story, because it didn't have any hogwash of "making the woman feel guilty about motherhood, making the woman feel as though her duty is to stick by her husband, making the woman feel responsible for it all". For example, many shallow chauvinistic Hindi movie stories convey themes like it is the duty of a wife to forgive & adjust for her husband like a "pativrata" when he begs for forgiveness. That is not how this movie was, Shabana's character chose whatever she wanted to, out of consideration for the little boy, out of consideration for her own children. Another woman may have reacted in another way, it didn't demonize a woman's right to make her own decisions.
I guess why I really liked this movie is, it was very real, very close to real life. The problem and solution were all portrayed very close to real life. This is how real life is, two adults make a mistake, an unwanted unfortunate child is born. This is why I thought of the issue of abortion. Innocent children have to pay for the stupid irresponsible mistakes of adults. Every once in a while in life, I have asked my mom & dad how they felt when they came to know of my existence, how they felt when they saw me born, how they felt when I came into their life. Mom tells me so many stories, of how they taught didi to call me "little brother" (they already had a daughter, so they wanted a son next), how they prayed to God everyday because mom was sick while carrying me, how concerned they were of my safety because of all the medication she had to take, all the complications I had after birth. Watching this little boy's anguish, especially when he felt so ashamed of "existing", so unloved, I thought, o my God, how a child is suffering an adult's mistake. His father wished he didn't exist, his step mom hated his presence, he was after all an unwanted unplanned pregnancy. God, there is nothing worse than being unwanted by your own parents in this world. I can't imagine anything worse, right when you're a little clot of blood, if your parents hate your presence & wish you didn't exist, and wonder if they should get you aborted, or go ahead with it, but all the time regretting, it is so sad. They say a baby can feel everything inside a mother's womb since they share flesh & blood, I don't ever want to be inside my mommy feeling that she doesn't like me there.
Anyway, back to the movie, Naseeruddin & Supriya Pathak's characters made a mistake, which Rahul & Shabana suffer. That is how life is, somebody in your family makes a mistake, and you have to bear the burden of rectifying it, setting them right. Sometimes you have no choice, you become the "bali ka bakra" (like Shabana Azmi & Rahul), they just fall on your head with their mistake.
That's why I found this movie so real, there was no filmy melodrama, no filmy miracles, no filmy patching up, because life is real, life needs to be faced, every character has their own influence in life, there are different perspectives, responsibilities, duties, victims. And this movie successfully showed real living from all angles. A must watch for all.
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